


one more time

by blueharmony



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, that drifted apart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21683293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueharmony/pseuds/blueharmony
Summary: Big Red finds an old photo of Ricky and Ej
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Comments: 27
Kudos: 163





	1. Meeting

Big Red and Ricky stayed outside the school for a couple of seconds, deciding what to do after. Most of the school was also leaving, so crowds of people were walking away from the building.

“I feelso weird that Miss Jenn is giving us a free day," Big Red said, looking out of place.

Miss Jenn had announced last week that this upcoming Monday it was going to be a free day- no rehearsals. The play was still on in a few weeks, but she believed it was healthy for her actors and actresses to have a mental health day, as it could get deteriorating.

Ricky shrugged.

"Same, I'm used to being stuck after school." Big Red rolled his eyes, as much crap as Ricky talked he knew that his friend loved the musical.

"Wanna go to the park? I've been trying to perfect a new move but I haven't had the time to." Ricky was busy looking through his backpack for something, and Big Red agreed.

"What you looking for?" He got on his skateboard, balancing.

"Dude, I forgot my knee pads. Ugh I know I'm going to fall on my ass today, I gotta get them-how about we go to my house real quick and we go to the park from there?" Ricky proposed, and Big Red nodded, and he added, "Plus I can get a snack!"

"Deal," Ricky smiled and they began a race to his house. They arrived in under seven minutes, they had taken the sides of the streets instead of the sidewalk to save time. It had worked because a lot of people were still walking on the sidewalk from school.

"Wait for me here, I'll be back really quick," Big Red nodded as Ricky opened the door and jogged to his room to get his knee pads. Big Red looked around, slightly awkward. When he found that his mom wasn't here he visibly relaxed. He knew Ricky was still going through stuff, especially with the mom being back. Big Red didn't really want to meet his mom; in his mind his mom was acting weird by leaving Ricky and going to Chicago.

He started to whistle, looking around the living room. There were boxes on the sofa, chairs and floors. Probably his mom's stuff.

Big Red carefully walked past the table that was in front of the sofa, noticing scattered photos and a scrapbook. He had passed them, but when he processed what he just saw he went back to stare at the photos.

"Oh my god," It was baby Ricky and toddler Ricky and even Ricky looking grumpy.

Big Red had to aww, he had to admit his friend was such an adorable kid.

He decided to sit on the sofa, a bit off the edge because of the boxes on them, but he started going through the photos.

He recognized baby Ricky and he saw a photo of all of them together at a picnic. Big Red also realized that these photos were mostly childhood photos; there were none of teenage Ricky. He was flipping through a group when he stopped cold.

He squinted at the photo he was currently holding.

He knew it was Ricky, but there was someone else.

Ricky was obviously in middle school, he looked much younger but not too young to be in elementary. Ricky had his hair unruly and curlier than now, and he was grinning so hard his eyes were squinting. Ricky was sitting next to another boy on a booth, and this other boy had wavy black hair and tan skin. The other boy was smiling, holding up his hand behind Ricky's head, making bunny ears.

Big Red couldn't stop staring at his bright blue eyes.

"What are you looking at?"

"Shit!" Big Red stumbled and dropped the photo. Ricky stood behind him, and he noticed the fallen photograph. Ricky frowned, and he walked around the sofa.

"I was looking at some family pictures, I wanted to see you in kid form!" He exclaimed and Ricky gave him a look.

Big Red quickly picked up the fallen photo of Ricky and the other boy, and Ricky raised his eyebrows.

"Which one is that one?" He questioned, and Big Red shoved it at him.

"Is that who I think it is? I am going to have a heart attack if it is," Big Red blurted, and Ricky carefully grabbed the photo.

He stared at it for a few seconds, and he sighed.

"That's EJ." He said lowly, and Big Red dramatically gasped and leaned down on the couch.

"You. . .were friends. . . with EJ Caswell?!" He struggled to get his words out and Ricky placed the photo on top of the table.

"I guess that's what it seemed. It was a long time ago-"

"That was just like three years ago! It looks like you guys knew each other since middle school!"

"Yeah but like I said Big Red, long time ago! It doesn't matter and I don't want to talk about it! There's a reason I don't like him and that's that," Ricky said, and Big Red didn't push it.

"Let's just go," Ricky walked away from the sofa, grabbing his skateboard.

"Fine," Big Red replied, but Ricky didn't notice how Big Red sneakily took a picture of the photo with his phone when he wasn't looking.

They left the house and without saying a word, rode to the park. Once they got there, Ricky and Big Red began to skate.

After a while, they were sitting on the grass but it was too silent.

Ricky eyed Big Red who simply pretended to be way interested in other skaters.

Ricky groaned.

"You're not gonna talk to me unless I tell you about Ej," He stated.

"What? No, I'm not gonna force you." Big Red shrugged, crossing his arms. Silence loomed over them, and he added, "I just think it's surprising that you didn't tell me, 'hey by the way I know ej, we used to be friends',"

"I wasn't gonna say anything, why say anything when it doesn't matter anymore? Clearly we don't like each other so why bring it up?" Ricky looked exasperated, but Big Red looked at him and looked at the sky, and began to whistle. It went silent for at least a full minute and Ricky caved in.

"Look, I met him when I first moved here. I met him sixth grade, and we were friends for like a year and a half. When eighth grade came around for me, he went to high school and things changed." Ricky concluded, and Big Red glared at him

"What?" Ricky acted clueless.

"You're just gonna leave me hanging like that. Okay I see whatever-"   
Ricky laughed and put up his hands.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you what happened. Not much really-" Big Red was anxious yet excited to hear about their friendship- excited because Ricky had actually been friends with the Ej, anxious because he knew the ending of the story- they obviously ended in bad terms.

"I was new and I met him in P.E.. ."

___

"Okay Alexa thank you for introducing yourself. We all think that your pet dog sounds wonderful," Ms. Ramirez said, clapping along with the students. Alexa stayed in front of the class for a few seconds, and smiled at everyone before she sat back down at her desk.

"Okay, Ricky? You're up next honey," She called, crossing a name off her clipboard.

Eleven year old Ricky looked around nervously, but he got up swiftly to the front.

All eyes were on him. The class was waiting for him to speak.

"Hi, I'm Ricky," He said softly. He cleared his throat, and he continued. "My favorite holiday is Christmas and a fun fact is that-"

 _That I'm new and I don't know anyone_. Is what he wanted to say. But he didn't.

"I can skateboard," He finished, and everyone nodded and clapped.

"Thank you Ricky, and I hope to see you skateboard on the playground but not in the hallways alright? Okay Finn?" She called out, and another student went up.

Ricky didn't pay attention to either. It was the first day and it was already his fourth time introducing himself.

He waited for the period to be over. He was tired and feeling sad. After a few more students, the teacher reminded them to bring pencils, and dismissed them. He slowly grabbed his backpack and left the class. Ricky looked at his schedule and saw that he had P.E next. He frowned, he hated P.E.

He walked to the quad, and there he was faced with a bunch of kids. Everywhere he looked, everyone was grouped. Everyone already had people to talk to.

He walked to it assigned area, and there he waited for their instructor to show up. He watched as other people came to his area, chatting loudly.

He noticed that they weren't the only grade on the blacktop. There were other kids separated from them and definitely looked older.

"Okay everyone, some people aren't gonna show up because they are lost, so this is how it's gonna work- meet me one by one in the lockers and I'll sign you off. I can also give the locks out for your lockers," One instructor yelled, Ricky cringed when no one moved. The instructor had to yell it out a second time.

Ricky and the rest of the boys walked to the locker room and waited in a fifteen minute line for the locks. Ricky wished the day would end already; it was bad enough that he felt awkward but now he had to wait in line listening to other people's conversations. He tapped his foot. He thought about what his mom would say. _C’mon_ _its not so bad. Cheer up._

He was still bitter about moving.

After opening his lock and changing, everyone was sent to the quad and the instructors gave directions to everyone to pair up with someone to pass a basketball to.

Ricky was awkwardly holding his ball that was given randomly to him, and he waited for everyone to choose their partners. He watched as people paired up easily. He thought about asking someone, anyone- but when he turned to look at a guy next to him, the guy turned the other way.

"Hey wanna be partners?" Ricky looked up to see a boy with black wavy hair and tan skin. He had the brightest blue eyes. Ricky thought he had the warmest smile.

"Yeah sure,” Ricky replied, and the other boy walked a few more inches away, enough to have space to toss the ball between them.

Ricky threw the ball gently, but with enough force.

“I’m Ej, whats your name?” Ej tossed the ball back.

“Ricky.” He caught the ball, and tossed it back.

Some other person accidentally bumped into Ej, and the ball Ricky threw hit them.

Ej made a face and grabbed the ball, scooting closer to Ricky. Ricky chuckled, feeling at ease for the first time that day.

“How is your day going? I know mine is boring all my teachers seem lame.” Ej said.

“My day is kinda lame too. I’m new so I don’t know the school or anyone.” Ricky was surprised at his own willingness to just tell Ej the truth.

Ej raised his eyebrows.

“Wow for real? Dude don’t worry! I can show you more around the school! Did you transfer schools from around here?”

“I actually moved from another state.” Ricky tossed the ball back, careful of not accidentally hitting someone else.

“That’s so cool! Do you like it here? I can even show you around the best places to eat at,” Ej said, and before anything happened the instructors whistled, telling them to go back and change.

“Hey, wait for me at the front, we can walk to class together,” Ej said, brushing his shoulder slightly against Ricky’s.

“Yeah,” Ricky called out. Ej had already jogged and disappeared, through the crowd of boys walking back to the locker room to change.

It wasn’t until Ricky had finished changing and was waiting outside ten minutes later, that he had been smiling the entire time.

He watched as Ej walked out of the building.  
Ej looked around and smiled, waving as soon as he saw Ricky.

Suddenly, Ricky thought the first day wasn’t so bad.


	2. Two: Ricky and Ej

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Series of events that shows how good and close of friends EJ and Ricky were. Also canon in this story that Ej was shorter than Ricky in middle school because why not

_**October - Teaching Ej to skate** _

"Ricky. Ricky! RICKY! RICKY!!!" Ej whispered, each time more desperate. Finally, he shoved Ricky, causing the taller boy to fall off the bed.

"What?! What?! I'm awake! What is it?!" Ricky called out, surprised and dazed. He turned his head up and saw Ej smiling on the edge of the bed.

"It's seven and I'm hungry," He said, as if that answered Ricky's question as to why he had been awoken so abruptly.

"I didn't want to go by myself!" Ej explained, and Ricky rolled his eyes.

It was a Saturday, approximately two months after school had officially started. Ej and Ricky hung out at first, then gradually it turned to Ricky coming over to his house or vice versa. Ej had finally wore his parents down about sleeping over with Ricky, and Ricky's parents had offered to meet up and talk. Everyone knew each other since Ricky and Ej were spending a lot of time together.

Their first sleepover was a success; they watched action movies and Ricky's mom even baked cookies for them. Ricky hadn't felt this happy to have a friend like Ej in a long time. He's never met anyone like Ej for that matter. They played video games, imagined that the floor was lava and ran around the house-it was the best sleepover Ricky had. 

Ej even forced Ricky to watch the High School Musical dance scenes making him replicate dances with him. Ricky would never admit it, but he secretly liked them.

The sunlight poured through his window, filling up the entire room. DVD's and video game consoles were scattered on the floor. There was a sleeping bag for Ej, but both boys were so tired they knocked out on Ricky's bed. Ricky didn't mind; the last thing he saw before he knocked out was his dad pulling the covers and tucking them both in.

"Okay, hold up I gotta stretch," Ricky got up and raised his arms, twisting his torso. Ej rolled on the bed, not moving. He laid his arms and legs out like a starfish.

His stomach gurgled.

He looked at Ricky, sticking out his tongue. "I'm going to starve."

"You're so dramatic." Ricky exasperates, but he flashes him a smile.

They both walked to the bathroom, brushing their teeth and doing their business.

Ricky tiptoed down the stairs, motioning for Ej to do the same. They walked quietly to the kitchen, trying to not wake up the parents. Ricky pointed to the cereals they had. Ej pointed at chocolate puffs so Ricky carefully took out bowls, spoons and the milk.

They ate quietly. Ej made a game of trying to catch one chocolate puff in his mouth. He threw one in the air, opened his mouth, estimating where it would land. He failed miserably. Ricky tried it and he got it the first time. They both stared at each other, astonished.

"Rigged!" Ej whispered, clearly still in disbelief. Ricky shook his head, but he felt a big laugh coming on.

When they finished, Ricky grabbed his skateboard, heading outside.

"So you wanna learn how to ride a skateboard?" Ricky asked in his normal voice, relieved to be out of his house. They walked on the sidewalk, side by side. No one was out since it was still pretty early for a Saturday morning.

"Yeah, but I don't know," Ej sheepishly said. He started to kick a rock.

"What do you mean? It's fun." Ricky got on his skateboard, and began to skate at a faster pace than Ej walked.

"How long did it take you to learn?"

"Not long, maybe barely a week, you get used to it," Ricky shrugged, and he added, "I taught myself. I fell so many times," He noticed Ej's face while mentioning falling, and he knew what Ej feared.

"But I'm teaching you so you wouldn't fall because I'd be here," He said confidently. Ej stared at him. He sighed in resignation. He scratched the back of his head, half smiling.

"Fine, teach me how to skateboard," Ricky grinned. They continued to walk until they got to the park. Ricky set the skateboard beside Ej.

"Okay stand on the board." Ej stared at Ricky, as he tentatively put one foot first. When he began to set his full weight on it, the board shook because his foot started shaking. He retracted his foot.

"Hold onto me," Ricky instructed, and he grabbed Ej's waist. Ej stepped on the board, but he gripped Ricky's shoulders as soon as wobbled. He steadied himself, and when he saw that he was actually standing on the board, he flashed Ricky a grin.

"Wanna try pushing yourself?" He asked, trying to encourage the shorter boy. Ej nodded.

"I'm going to hold onto your hand," He murmured. Ricky held out his hand in response. Ej grabbed it, squeezing hard. Ej's left foot pushed against the ground, wobbling as he went only a couple of inches.

"See? You did that! Dude don't even worry you're going to be a pro by the end of today!" Ricky encouraged, but what happened was the opposite. Ej sucked at learning. He seemed to be doing fine when Ricky held onto him of course, but by himself he fell multiple times.

Except Ej wasn't that upset about falling, he would laugh and brush it off. Ricky was glad he wasn't taking it super serious.

"Am I getting better?" Ej asked, giggling as Ricky helped him up from what seemed his tenth fall.

"Much better." He replied, making Ej to start up again.

They spent the whole day at the park, only stopping to get a snack inside the gymnasium.

At five o clock, on October 15th, two weeks that Ej was starting to learn, he rode the skateboard for a good distance, all by himself.

He wobbled and teetered, but he did not fall. Ricky watched him from the basketball courts at the park. Ej had circled the court and gone back to him.

He got off, completely ecstatic. He turned to Ricky, throwing his hands up in the air. Ricky grinned and clapped. "I did it!!" Ej screamed, running to Ricky.

They hugged and bumped fists.

"I actually think skateboarding is fun, not gonna lie." Ej said nonchalantly. They were both walking to Ej's house. Ricky switched his skateboard to his other arm. It was late afternoon, and Ricky knew his parents were probably wondering where he was.

"You see? Your welcome! And you were being such a baby about it at first," They bumped shoulders, and Ej snickered. The sky turned into a pink purple sunset, it was starting to get chilly.

"Stop, no I wasn't! I can do better now anyways give me your board!" Ej snatched Ricky's board and he started to ride it with more determination. Ricky couldn't help but feel proud as he watched the other boy struggle with his balance but he started to glide. Ej then fell a second later on the blacktop.

It was worth it.

**_October 31st- Halloween_ **

"Oh my god you kids look so cute!"

"Momm." Ricky grumbled, slightly embarrassed. "Thanks Mrs. Bowen, Ricky helped me build my shield!" Ej beamed as he soaked up all the compliments that Ricky's mom was giving. 

Ej was Captain America and Ricky was Spider-man. Ej had managed to convince Ricky to dress up for one final time, as they were getting too old. (Or that's what Ricky keeps saying).

Ej had committed to the role, his hair was gelled back and Ricky had to admit that he did look pretty good in his costume.

"Okay picture time! Just one picture!" Ricky's mom pulled out her phone and started taking pictures. Ricky was already embarrassed to pose, but Ej started doing random poses. His confidence was contagious, so Ricky joined in.

It didn't matter that they were in their front yard, where anyone could see.

There were other people walking with their children, Ricky could see princesses and fairies to zombies and masked killers from their porch.

"Ricky and Ej, be safe and if anything we will have our phones by us and your dad and I are passing out candy," Ricky's mom announces out, giving each boy a hug.

"Yes mom, see you later," Both boys said goodbye, excited to start trick or treating. "Bye Mrs. Bowens!"

Ricky and Ej walked to the end of the block, wanting to scope out who had the best candy.

They trick or treated for about half an hour, and their bags were pretty full. Many people complimented them, and some girls actually wanted a picture with them. Though Ricky secretly knew they wanted a picture with Ej. He wasn't blind, he knew that Ej was the most best looking in his costume; it was as if he _could_ have been the next Captain America.

"Wanna go to the park?" Ej asked, and Ricky nodded in agreement.

He checked his phone, the screen lit up to 11:30. His mother wouldn't be upset if he stayed out anyways. He quickly texted her an update of where they were going to be.

The park always had its annual Halloween event, in which a ride and snacks would be available to the public along with scary movies inside the gymnasium. It was hosted by the city, and the volunteers were mostly high school teens.

Ej and Ricky raced each other to park, which was lit with stands. People were selling pumpkins, candy corn, pumpkin pies. There were stands with Halloween costume masks. There was a carnival ride and popcorn, and so many people dressed up.

"Wanna head to the gymnasium? They're showing _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ ," Ricky suggested. Ej agreed and pulled through the crowds of people, looking back every few seconds just to see that Ricky didn't get lost. When they arrived, there were two teens with name tags that said in capital letters: HALLOWEEN VOLUNTEER. They nodded at them to go inside.

"It just started so you can sit on the front," One of them said, resuming back to talking to the other person. Ej waved at them while Ricky grabbed his arm to walk inside.

It was definitely crowded more inside than outside of the building.

People were seated on the floors of the gymnasium. There were teenagers and adults, some children. It was dark, so they waited a few seconds for the screen to illuminate some light. Ej and Ricky quickly sat down on the corner where they entered, in the front. The screen was on top of the stage. The scene of a girl being chased was playing.

Ricky didn't mind when Ej's knees brushed against his while they were getting comfortable.

"Sorry," Ej whispered, and Ricky whispered back, "Nah don't worry about it."

Their knees ended uptouching throughout the movie.

It turned out that Ej was a big baby, because if there was a jump scare, he would grab onto his hand. If scenes were too much for him, he'd turn into Ricky's shoulder. Ricky chuckled when he felt Ej's hair on his neck. Ej whispered, "Tell me when it's over,"

"Ew she's covered in blood," Ricky teased, and Ej fake gagged.

When the movie finished, there was a long line to get out, so both boys stayed seated a while longer.

"Lame movie, I would have killed myself honestly," Ej said. Ricky raised his eyebrows.

"What?! You wouldn't battle him? You would just give up like that? Also I don't know you seemed pretty into it." He smirked. 

"It's not giving up! It's accepting that you cannot beat a demon like that," Ej stretched out his legs, and rose up.

Ricky gave him his shield, getting up himself.

It was around late 12, so they called it a night.

They raced each other through the dark streets. To anyone else watching them it was Captain America and Spider-man racing.

Ricky pretended to shoot webs from his hands, rolling on patches of grass beside the sidewalks. They stopped in front of an abandoned house. It looked like someone tried to reconstruct but gave up in the middle of it. There was shards of plastic all over it.

Ej threw his shield, and tried to do a cart wheel.

They both landed next to each other, breathing heavily and laughing.

They settled down, watching the night sky.

"Look dude, aliens are up there!" Ricky said, pointing at a specific dot on the sky.Ej scoffed.

"Aliens are probably doing their own parties, we're too boring for them,"

"Okay but have you actually seen how beautiful the planet earth is? Any alien would want to be here," Ricky gestured Wildly with his arms.

"Yeah okay sureeee, but if I were an alien I would want to live on Mars or Jupiter,"

They argued about aliens and their living situation for a couple of more minutes.

The more Ricky stared at the sky, the more the stars became brighter. He had his hands folded over his chest. He wanted to stay like that forever.

"I'm really glad you're my friend," Ej said softly.Ricky turned his head to the side to see him.

"I don't have this much fun with anyone," Ej confessed. Ricky never realized how beautiful Ej was. He knew that he was good looking, he wasn't dumb. When he waited for him after school he always saw a girl or two surrounding him, always laughing at whatever Ej said. His friends always teased Ej by saying that the popular girl in their grade liked him, but Ej would only smile shyly and ignore it.

Ej had tan skin and blue eyes, with dark black hair. His jawline was sharp, and he had the cutest smile. Not to mention how confident he was. His mom had even said that he looked like the prince from The Little Mermaid the first time he came over.

He never realized it until now, now that he was face to face with Ej.

He wanted to say something, anything, but he froze.

"I just want it to stay this way." Ej said, and added shyly, "Sorry for saying all that stuff; I'm really a big baby,"

Ricky shook his head. "No, I really appreciate it. And- and- I feel the same," Ricky moves closer to him, his heart pounding for some reason.

They stared at each other for a moment, and Ej flashed him a smile.

"This was the best Halloween ever." Ej put up his shield in front of him. Ricky grinned, feeling like he was invincible.

"Next Halloween let's be something cooler!" Ej started rambling and Ricky listened. He believed that night that they would be friends forever. That nothing could ever change between them.

**_December - Holiday Party_ **

"Guess what we got invited to?!" Ej slung his arms around Ricky's shoulders. Ricky stumbled forward and took his hands out of his pocket to grasp Ej's arm.

"We?" Ricky half smiled, he knew that it was only Ej being invited to parties; Ricky didn't know anyone.

"Yes we!" He exclaimed.

School was let out, and every kid was walking out in their bikes or with buddies, cars jammed in the parking lot, honking for their kids to come.

Because Ricky was a grade below Ej, his classes were more at the front of the building, whereas Ej's classes were mostly in the back. Ricky's homeroom teacher tended to let them out a few minutes early, so Ricky started to wait for Ej after school.

"Crystal Chavez invited us to her holiday party! I heard from the locker room that everyone is planning to go and it's gonna be a LOTof fun," Ej still held onto Ricky around his shoulders.

They walked past the school gates, now entering the neighborhood streets. They both walked together after school after finding out their homes had the same route.

"Please say you're down," Ej pleaded with his puppy dog eyes.

Ricky pretended to think about it.

"Okay fine," He sighed as Ej leaned in to hug him in glee.

_______

Ricky watched in anxiety as the bottle spun. Everyone whooped and hollered, but he was quiet. He couldn't help but feel something else; he couldn't quite identify it. It stopped at Crystal Chavez.

Crystal turned to Ej, and everyone called them out on it. The party was a success; it was as if everyone from school came. Everyone is eighth grade that is.Ricky was starting to feel alone. Ej was at his side at the beginning of the party, but other people kept pulling him away. And now they were playing Spin the Bottle with everyone.

"Ooo! Crystal and Ej!"

"Hey Ej you better be a good kisser!"

Ricky plastered on a smile and watched as Ej smiled at Crystal.

Ej got up and held out his hand to her across the circle of people. People were still cheering. Some were making kissing noises.

She eagerly took it and Ricky watched in horror as Ej pulled her to him. Crystal giggled and they both walked into the closet.

Ricky felt his stomach turn into knots. It was supposed to be 20 seconds but in those 20 seconds he felt like it was actually 20 hours.

Everyone counted to 20 seconds, and once someone opened the door, Crystal comes out, clearly grinning.

Ej comes out, looking sheepish.

Everyone whooped and hollered.

"How was it?!" A boy asked Ej.

"Nah I don't kiss and tell," Ej responded, breaking into a grin. He turned to Ricky, still smiling.

Ricky felt sick. But he stayed frozen, not looking at Ej even though he felt his gaze.

____

"Hey, wait for me," Ej called out,tying his shoe sloppily. But Ricky didn't stop. The party was over, so they were waiting for Ej’s mom to pick them up at the corner of the block.

Ej jogged to catch up with him, shoving his hands in his pockets.

There was silence.

Ricky was irritated, and he didn't know why. He shouldn't care about what happened or who Ej kisses.

"You know, I gotta tell you the truth." Ej‘s voice cut through his thoughts.

"We didn't kiss." Ricky stopped.

"What?" He turned to him and Ej nodded.

"I don't think I'm just ready to start kissing and making out like everyone else; I didn't feel right. I want to kiss the person I'm with, not just anyone," he explained, looking embarrassed. His shoulder slightly bumped into Ricky's.

"You're not lying?" He asked carefully. Ej stuck his tongue out and shook his head.

"Crystal asked me if we could just not say anything about it and I said yeah," He shrugged. "I mean she can say we kissed or whatever I don't really care, just as long as I know the truth." He paused, and said, "And _you_ do too." 

Ricky couldn't explain the tremendous relief he felt.

"Aw c'mon Ricky were you feeling left out?" Ej joked, and in a quick swift motion, he grabbed Ricky's hand, pulled him closer and kissed him on the cheek.

Ricky laughed, touching his cheek in attempt to smear it.

"Eww!" He exaggerated. 

"You're welcome! Now you have a kiss so you don't feel jealous," Ej said, his face smug. 

Ricky rolled his eyes, but he was much happier than before. Although he was glad that it was dark, so that Ej didn't see the blush he felt on his cheeks.

They continued to walk, side by side, never mentioning the kiss between them. 

**_December - Birthday_ **

Throughout the winter break that's how they spent the majority of the time; together.

They rode bikes together, Ej ended up staying over a lot and even learned officially how to skateboard.

Ricky had to admit that Ej was a lot better than they first started. Maybe even better than Ricky but he would never say it then; it would inflate Ej's already big ego.

Ej really made this move entirely worth it.

Ricky never had a friend like him, who also expressed their feelings so freely. He was never afraid or shy to admit if he felt hurt or felt discomfort at something Ricky said or did.

There were fights between them but they were so trivial, like finding out if the other is wrong about a topic.

This friendship meant a lot to Ricky. And he wanted to show his appreciation.

Ej had briefly mentioned his birthday was a few days before Christmas. Ricky really wanted to give Ej something good. He had been saving up his allowances, and had a total of 40 dollars.

After the holiday party at Crystal's Christmas was only a week away.

Ricky had to think and fast.

He looked around his room, remembering their first sleepover. He looked at the DVD's that were sprawled on the floor of his closet. One of them caught his eye.

The next second he sprang up and begged his mom to take him to the store.

_**December- Gifts** _

"Okay, close your eyes Ej," Ricky instructed.

Ej narrowed his eyes. "What for?" He took another spoonful of ice cream that Ricky bought him for his birthday. Technically it was last night, but Ej celebrated with his family. His family was also planning a mini trip for Ej that same Saturday, but they were leaving at night. Ricky was just glad that Ej wanted to celebrate it with him.

They got ice cream from the parlor that was across the park,eating it at one of the park tables. They both brought their own backpacks, Ricky because he had his present in there.

"Okay fine," Ej set down his cup, and closed his eyes. He held out his hands. He smiled, saying, "Ricky if you put something bad I'm going to get you back so bad,"

"No dude, trust me,"

Ricky waved his hand in front of the shorter boy’s face, making sure they were closed. He unzipped his backpack to pull out his gift. It was a medium sizedrectangle wrapped with Ej's favorite color- a sparkling blue.

Ricky had written on the box To Ej From Ricky, and slapped a red bow on it.

"Happy Birthday Ej! Please open your gift right now," Ricky shoved it in his hands.

Ej gasped.

"You got me something? You didn't have to," He began to say, but Ricky shook his head.

"Open it,"

He opened the wrapping paper carelessly, and a letter popped out. The package was still wrapped with tissue paper, so Ej still couldn't quite see what it was.

Ej looked confused, even looked up at Ricky but Ricky motioned for him to keep going.

Ej carefully opens the envelope and unfolded the paper.

_Hey Ej,_

_Happy birthday! The big 13. I hope you spend a good birthday weekend :) I'm not really good at saying things out loud, like how I truly feel. But I can write them down- so here goes:_

_Thank you for being my best friend Ej Caswell._

_You didn't have to- you could have stopped talking to me on the first day, but you didn't. Moving here was worth it to meet someone like you._

_I know you sometimes have these insecurities, about the dumbest things. I'm here to tell and remind you that none of those are true. You are the kindest person I have had the privilege of knowing. Thank you for always showing me how you feel. Thank you and I can't wait to go to high school with you and have a lot more adventures._

_Ricky_

_Ps. You also have a really good voice. The world is missing out._

Ej’s eyes watered up.

"Oh my god Ricky," He was about to cry out, but Ricky shushed him.

"Not yet open the gift," He said softly, and Ej's eyes widened.

He pulled the tissue paper from the rectangle box to see a microphone. He gasped. Not just any microphone- a high school musical microphone. It was red, had wild cats and the High school musical logo.

He pressed the silver button and the microphone played a song. Ej's eyes lit up, gaping at it.

_Living in my own world, didn't understand._

_That anything could happen. When_

_You take a Chance._

"The start of something new," Ricky sang, so off key. But to the birthday boy it was music to his ears. Ej broke into a grin.

"It feels so right to be here with you," He finished. "This is the best gift I have ever gotten," Ej was staring into Ricky's eyes, who broke eye contact first.

"I really wanna hear you sing," He said, his eyes pleading. Ej looked around the park. There was no one that he knew so he got up from the table. He stepped away from the table a couple of inches to give himself space.

He pressed the button and out played:

_It's hard to believe_

_That I couldn't see_

_You were always there beside me_

Ej started snapping, swinging his hips and sashaying like Sharpay did in the movie.

Ricky was cracking up but he loved it.

He clapped and was sorry when the song ended too fast. Ej took a bow.

"I couldn't have done this without Sharpay's voice," He acknowledged to Ricky and the fake audience.

"Encore! Encore!" Ricky shouted, now clapping in circles.Ej cleared his throat. He was going to press the button again but Ricky interrupted.

"I wanna hear one with just your voice,"

Ej blushed, but he nodded.

"This is for you Ricky- the best friend anyone could ask for," He announced to Ricky and the imaginary audience.

He winked at him, and began to sing.

_We're soaring, flying_

_There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach_

_If we're trying so we're breaking free..._

Ricky was in awe every time Ej sang. He didn't know why the older boy was convinced that he sang terrible.

He felt even more lucky that Ej didn’t hide his singing talent from him.

It made him feel special.

_______

Ej and Ricky ended up walking their way back home, it was already late evening.

Ej's phone had rung with texts from his mom.

Ricky convinced Ej to let him walk him home, since he didn't want to get to his house yet.

When they arrived at Ej's, they stopped in front of the driveway.

"I have something for you," Ej blurted, and he dug through his backpack. He fished out a green shiny gift bag.

Ricky's heart skipped a beat.

"Please don't open it until you leave. I'm going to miss you. I'll see you on Tuesday okay? Bye!" He held his hand out, and they did their secret handshake.

"See ya," Ricky mumbled, taking the gift bag.

Ricky only lasted ten seconds walking away from Ej's house until he opened the gift.

For some reason he was so giddy. He reached into the bag and held out a small brown composition book. He opened the cover, and a small page slid out. He caught it before it fell out. He saw that it was in Ej's handwriting:

**Merry Christmas Ricky!! Here's a place for you to write your songs :)**

**don't think I haven't noticed your talent,**

**See you!**

**Ej**

Ricky broke into a grin, a memory playing in his mind.

_"What's that?" Ej asked, pointing at his desk._

_Ricky scrambled up from the floor and snatched a paper off of it._

_"What do you mean?" He tried to say nonchalantly. He had put the paper behind his back._

_Ej raised an eyebrow._

_"Sorry, but I thought it was pretty cool, did you write it?" Ricky was surprised. He tapped his foot._

_"Uh yeah I did, you think so?" He fidgeted with the paper, feeling self conscious. Ej nodded._

_"Yeah dude. For reals," He answered, and he swiveled in Ricky's chair. He didn't make a big deal out of it. He began to open a bag of chips he got from Ricky's cupboards when Ricky cleared his throat. It was now or never- it was an impulse._

_"Wanna sing it?"_

_Ej turned around, potato chip in his mouth._

_He motioned at himself._

_"You want me to sing it?"_

_"Yeah, I can show you how it goes on my guitar and then you can sing it," Ricky was still shy about it, but he was excited._

_Ej shrugged and said, "Okay sure, why not? Play it for me!" He smiled, the eagerness from Ricky passing onto him._

_Ricky quickly got his guitar from his closet and sat down on his bed. Ej scooted his chair just a few inches away from the other boy._

_He adjusted his guitar, testing a few strings._

_Then he began playing a tune._

_"Dude your song is good. Your voice is good too," Ej said. Ricky shook his head in response._

_After singing his song in a mini preview, Ej got it._

_"Okay,one two three," Ricky began again, and this time Ej sang. The first few seconds Ej sounded a bit shaky, and then he got more confident._

_Ricky was blown away by how good his voice was. Sometimes Ej would sing but it would be something silly or he would change his voice to make it too deep or too high. This was the only time Ricky really heard his voice._

_"How was that?" Ej finished, and he laughed, looking sort of shy._

_"Dude you're so good. You could easily be one of those high school musical people." Ricky praised him._

_"My song sounded actually okay because of you."_

_Ej didn't say anything, but Ricky saw the light blush that came on his cheeks before he swiveled around in his chair.   
_

Ricky held the composition book close to his chest. Soon to be filled with his own songs.

He felt overwhelmed with happiness. He pulled his phone out to text Ej.

This was already a good Christmas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter should be up soon it’s in the works :)


	3. Three: Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ej's last year of middle school in this chapter basicallyyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also this is all in chronological order,This is basically a whole year wrapped up in a chapter (Ej's last year of middle school before he goes off to East High ;') Ricky and Ashlyn have never met YETT)

**_June- Summer Break_**  
"No more waking up early! No more homework!" Ricky called out, surprising Ej because it was the loudest voice he ever heard come from the curly haired boy. Ricky hardly ever shouts. 

Ej balled up papers from his backpack, throwing them in a trashcan at the front of the school. It was late afternoon, both boys had gotten all their stuff from their lockers. Ricky was now a seventh grader, and Ej was entering his last year of middle school. In another year, he would be a freshman in a new school- East High. Then Ricky would stay back a year, but they hadn't really talked about it yet. Well, _Ricky_ didn't want to. Ej had mentioned it once during Spring Break, but Ricky dismissed it, even going as far as to changing the topic. 

"Yeah and this summer is gonna be fun, I can learn new tricks," Ej then looked at Ricky's board, giving him his signature cheesy smile. It worked on everyone, even teachers. (Ricky had to admit Ej was pretty good at getting out of trouble in school.)  
Ricky made a face, but he didn't hesitate to give Ej his board.  
Ej got on and skated out onto the streets, doing a complete wide circle. He glided back to Ricky, kicking the board up with his feet.  
"Not bad right?"  
"Needs some work," Ricky crossed his arms. Ej stuck out his tongue, but continued to ride around. They shared the skateboard, making their way to their hiding spot- an abandoned old mechanic shop further past the park. No one seemed to go over there, so both boys made it their hideaway.

The whole year Ej and Ricky grew closer. Ej would help Ricky with math homework, so sometimes Ricky would come over to his house a couple times a week. Ej's mom practically knew him already.  
Ej and Ricky were close enough that everyone at school pretty much knew that they were best friends. Ricky even knew all of Ej's friends and they seemed to like him too.   
They played the latest video games that Ej would get from his grandparents, and skated at the park. Ej had gotten so much better at skating since the first time Ricky taught him. Of course, Ricky was a good teacher. 

Ej's phone had chimed, notifying a text, then it began to ring.   
He glanced at it, frowning. They had arrived at their spot, so he gently got off the board and answered the phone.  
Ricky sat down on the ground, looking anywhere but at Ej.  
"Hey Kat, what's up?" Ej's voice filled the place.  
"Oh? Today? Sorry I can't. . .Yeah but we can hang out on Monday with everyone else? Yeah I'll text the group chat. What am I doing? With Ricky?. . . Oh cool. Yeah. Okay, sure. Alright, bye," Ej hung up, visibly cringing.   
Ricky raised an eyebrow.  
"What was that?" Even he had noticed the awkward conversation.   
"Kat from school- she wanted to hang out," He shrugged.   
"Kat the popular girl from school? The most popular one in your grade?" Ricky asked in a teasing voice. He then started to make kissing noises.   
"Oh my god shut up," Ej groaned. He sat beside Ricky.   
"What, you don't think she's cute?" He asked, still in his playful tone.   
"Yeah she's cute, but I don't really like her that way." Ej shrugged. He started to fiddle with his backpack straps.   
Ricky looked away, staying quiet for a moment. He asked in a much serious tone, "Do you like anyone?" His heart stopped for a second too, he's pretty sure. He didn't want to see the look on Ej's face.  
Ej snorted and shook his head, clearly thinking that the question was dumb.   
"No I guess I'm not there yet- my mom said it's time I start crushing on them, but I haven't. Yet," Ej made a face and the other boy chuckled. 

They sat in silence for a while, until Ej reached in his backpack to pull out smashed cookies from the small pouch in the front. About a half hour later, they ended up watching Youtube videos on Ej's phone.   
Ej was still sitting on his bottom, but Ricky had moved his position beside him. Instead, Ricky now rested his head on Ej's lap.   
Ej's fingers lightly tugged on Ricky's curls, playing with his hair.

After the third video, Ricky spoke up.

"My mom and dad are at it again," His voice didn't change; it showed no type of emotion.   
Ej frowned. "What about this time?"   
"They were fine at dinner, and then after I left they started to argue about work. I didn't want to listen so I played music but this time it was bad enough that my dad left. My mom was crying in the bathroom."   
Ej massaged his head, hoping it would make him feel a bit better.   
"I'm sorry dude. This shouldn't be going on," Ej tried to comfort him. It hurt him to see his best friend hurting.  
"Maybe your parents are in a little of a bump, but everything will be okay. Sometimes parents get a bit frustrated but they're going to work through it," Ej tried to reason, but he even felt sad. Lately, the Bowen parents had been arguing a lot which took a toll on Ricky. He had even started sleeping over at Ej's more often because of it. Not that Ej was complaining.  
"Yeah maybe. Thanks man," He murmured, adjusting his head on Ej's lap to feel more comfortable.   
After a few minutes, Ej knew he was falling asleep. He kept massaging his head until he heard soft snores coming from the younger boy.   
**_July-Still Summer Break_**

"C'mon Ricky! Ugh you're so slow I'm going to toast!" Ej yelled, impatient as always. Ricky slapped on the last bit of sunscreen onto his knees. "Dude! Chill! I am going to be _real_ toast if I don't put sunscreen on." He walked out of the bathroom to see Ej lying on his bed, who was making a damsel in distress pose.   
Ricky threw him a towel.   
"Alright let's go," Ej said, happy to be on their way. It was the the first time that Ricky and Ej would go to the community pool. It was really hot, so it was most likely going to be packed once they arrived. Not to mention that it was a Friday, making it worse.   
Ej and Ricky were only able to hangout on the weekends because Ej's father enrolled him in water polo camp lessons. Ej would be driven to practice every day, his only day off was Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Ej described the camp as boring- all they did was swim. (To which Ricky would say, "Duh!")   
  


"I can't believe this is your last year in middle school. Then you're going to be a freshman, jeez," Ricky sighed, now his turn to be dramatic on Ej.   
"Don't even remind me- who am I supposed to hang with at a new school?" Ej said in horror."I'm going to be a loner!"  
"Yeah right you have other friends Mr. Popular, plus you'd make friends the first day. That's how you met me," Ricky rolled his eyes, but he appreciated the sentiment. They turned the corner and continued to walk until they saw the community pool in view. Ricky was already making the mental note to put on more sunscreen because he swore he felt the sun burning his skin.   
"Okay whatever, I'm still going to miss you! It's going to be boring without you." Ej pouted, as they walked past the gates of the community pool. They set their towels on a nearby table, and Ricky took the opportunity to apply more sunscreen. 

"Anyways- I bet I can hold my breath longer than you can," Ricky challenged. Ej raised his eyebrows at him, looking at him like _he_ was the crazy one.   
"You can hold your breath all you want, I am not putting my mouth under. People have peed in it all day," He made a face, and before Ricky could call out any hypocrisy, he jumped in the pool.  
  
After about three hours, it was starting to get chilly. They decided to head back to Ej's house to watch a scary movie on Netflix.

"I'm freezing, how are you not?" Ricky hissed, grasping onto his towel. Ej shrugged, distracted by his phone. Ricky was about to complain more when he saw that he frowned.   
"Ugh apparently Emiliano and David aren't friends." Ricky's eyes widened, surprised.  
In Ej's group of friends, there were two other boys that seemed really close, and that was David and Emiliano. Ricky personally liked Emiliano better, since he didn't give bad vibes. Ricky didn't like nor dislike David, and he didn't exactly have an actual reason why- the guy never did anything but he seemed shady at times to him.  
Over the past month however, Ej had been filling Ricky in that both boys got into a big fight.  
"Wait so what does that mean?" Ricky suddenly forgot all about being cold.

Ej was still sending a text back to one of his friends.  
"Nothing, but I'm pretty sure either David or Emiliano are going to stop hanging out with us," Ricky frowned.   
"Why did they fight again?"  
"A girl they both like. Apparently David back stabbed him or something because he kissed her. Ew." Ej looked up from his phone, rolling his eyes.  
"Damn, sorry Ej, I know you liked hanging out with both of them together," Ricky said. Although he didn't like David as much, he knew that both boys seemed to be close and for all of that to fall apart- well he could sympathize.   
"It's whatever," Ej dismissed, but Ricky narrowed his eyes. He knew when Ej wasn't being truthful.   
"No it's not whatever. What's wrong?" The older boy turned to Ricky, his eyes sad.   
"Dude, what if we end up like that? Like, David and Emiliano were best friends since they were babies! I don't want us to stop being friends over some girl or anything," Ej confessed. Now Ricky understood his worry.   
They had started to walk more slowly.   
"We aren't them though. You talk to me if there's anything wrong and I do that to you too. As long as we always communicate how we feel then we're going to be okay. That's not going to happen to us," Ricky said confidently, smiling at him. Ej nodded, thinking it over. They continued walking in silence. For a few minutes.   
"But if something did happen, would you miss me?" Ej demanded, and Ricky had to laugh.

"You're so dramatic." Was his only response. Ej stopped, mouth open. Ricky had to turn back, giving him a look.   
"Ricky?!" Ej gaped at him.   
"What?!" It took all of Ricky to not burst out laughing again.  
"Would you or would you not miss me?!" Ej repeated, hands on his hips.   
"Oh you're serious?" Ricky pretended to think about it.   
Ej huffed, eyes big. "Wow!" He exasperated.   
"I guess I would!" Ricky laughed.   
"You _guess_?! I know if we ever stopped being friends I would be so sad and miss you all the time Ricky Bowen, and all you have to say is _'I_ _guess'_?!" Ej was fuming, and Ricky had to jog to catch up to him.   
"Dude of course I'll miss you! But that's not gonna happen," Both boys walked side by side. Ricky was grinning, obviously finding the whole situation hilarious. Ej was still annoyed by his "lame" answer, mimicking him, "Of cOurSe I'lL miSs yOu."

**_November- P.E Water Polo Practice_ **

Ej was running to the locker rooms, hoping and praying that practice hadn't started. This year's PE teacher was more strict, and being late was one of their pet peeves. He rushed through doors and finally arrived. He jogged to his aisle, and to his luck, there were people still changing. He spotted his friend Oliver. 

"Hey! I'm not late right?!" Ej began to open his locker. Oliver and Ej were great friends before Ej met Ricky. They still were, but they hadn't spent as much time as before.

Both boys's dream was to try out and make the water polo team in East High.   
"Nah man, you're good. Chill," Oliver smiled warmly at him.  
Ej took a sigh of relief.   
"How was your weekend?" Oliver asked. He began to place his clothes into his locker.  
"Hung out with Ricky. Then my dad had me clean up the garage as a fun Sunday activity," Ej replied, turning irritated when he mentioned his dad. He wanted Ricky to help him but the younger boy totally bailed on him.   
"You?" Ej took off his shirt.  
"Good, babysat my sister. Also I'm having a hangout this Friday, everyone's coming, even Kat and her friends," Oliver wiggled his eyebrows at Ej who shook his head.  
"Yeah I can go, plus Ricky isn't even doing anything," Ej turned to Oliver, smiling. It was just a second that Oliver's face changed, but Ej caught it.

"What?" Ej was still smiling, but Oliver shook his head.

"Nothing. Whatever." Oliver still didn't look at him.   
"No c'mon what is it?" Ej was starting to get a weird feeling. Oliver sighed and made a face at him. Ej didn't see as he quickly folded his clothes to put in the locker.   
"You and Ricky are so fucking weird man," Oliver said, and Ej froze.

"What?" He asked, closing his locker and stepping closer to him. 

"You guys are too close if you ask me." Oliver stated, clearly not phased by Ej walking closer to him. He still stood straight and tall.

Ej's heart stopped- his stomach lurched. He felt everything in his world going slow motion.

"I didn't ask you." Ej said, narrowing his eyes. He didn't know how his voice was steady when he felt terrified on the inside.   
Oliver rolled his eyes, looking irritated.  
"I'm just saying- you might wanna stop hanging out with Ricky. You two are always together. People are starting to get the wrong idea." Oliver said. Everyone in the locker room started to quiet down, now tuning in to their conversation. 

"Unless you really are what people have been saying." Oliver word's pierced him. His tone was full of disgust.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Ej shot back. His hands turned into fists. Oliver raised his eyebrows, mouth curling into a smile again. But this time it wasn't the warm one that greeted him before. 

"C'mon man. You got to know that everyone else is starting to say things about you. You're in eighth grade, stop hanging around with a seventh grade loser, when you clearly have the hottest girl in school waiting for you." He snapped.   
And just like that, he walked away.  
Ej sat down on the bench in between the locker aisle, his legs had stopped working.   
He felt his face go hot from shame and embarrassment. He heard people shuffling and closing their lockers, but he didn't want to face anyone.

People were talking about them.

Ej suddenly thought about his friendship with Ricky, and felt sick. He felt the walls of the locker room closing in on him. He knew he had to get up and go, or else he really would be late, but he couldn't will his legs to get up. It was as if someone had punched his gut.

He had to leave. He couldn't go out there after everything that was said.  
So he left.  
_____________  
Ricky sat down for his second period class, taking out his phone as soon as the announcements took place in the classroom. He treated it as his own personal ten minutes, no one really paid attention to the announcements anyways, even the teacher would go outside to talk to the teacher next door.   
He pressed the home button and saw Ej's text:  
 **hey I went home early so don't wait for me today, I think I ate something bad. See you on Monday tho**  
Ricky typed back:  
 _Aw dude tht sucks :( Feel better and text me if anything!_  
He shut his phone off, feeling sorry for Ej.

_______________

Ashlyn giggled with her friends, walking down the steps of her school. "Hey you guys wanna go get ice cream? I need a treat after crushing that test!" She said to them. They all nodded and agreed.   
"Hey who's that?" One of her friends looked past her. Ashlyn looked to her left and there was Ej, waving at her. Once he knew that she saw him, he ran to her, lifting her up and twirling her around. "Ej?" Ashlyn raised a brow, confused.

"I missed you so much!" He exclaimed, and all of Ashlyn's friend gaped at them.  
"Oh my god Ej what are you doing here?" Ashlyn gasped out, grasping onto his shoulders. Ej gave her one last twirl before setting her down, putting an arm around her shoulders. She lowered her skirt, feeling self conscious.   
"Ashlyn, why didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend?" One of her friends said, smiling at the pair.

Ej grinned but Ashlyn coughed and gagged. "No, god no, he's my cousin,"   
"But she's my favorite cousin," Ej flashed them a smile, and introduced himself, shaking every girls hand. Ashlyn had to smile, in seconds they all fell for him.   
"Would it be okay if I steal my cousin for today? I haven't seen her in a while," Ej made his puppy dog eyes at them. All of her friends died.  
"Of course! Family first!"   
"Yeah don't even worry about it we see her everyday anyways!"

Ashlyn waved at them. "Sorry guys, I'll see you tomorrow though!" Ej waved and said goodbye to them. 

"Ej what are you doing here?!" Ashlyn didn't waste any time to getting to the bottom as to why her cousin had walked to her school. Ej pouted, removing his arm around her. "You're not excited to see me?" He asked sadly. She shook her head.  
"No sorry, yes I am, I've missed you too. But you came all the way to my school on a Friday- something must have happened." Ashlyn deduced. "It's not even that far from my school Ashlyn." Ej interjected. "Let's get ice cream!"  
Ashlyn let herself be guided to the nearest Walgreens. She let him ramble on about what was going on at school, what his new favorite musical was and whether he preferred a certain artist over another. 

After buying ice cream, they proceeded to walk to her house. At this point, Ashlyn wanted to know what was bothering him. He was acting too fake, even for him. He kept making small talk, asking about the boy she was currently crushing on, how her parents were, and if she was ready for the new year. 

"What time did you come to my school?" She began to interrogate.   
He stayed quiet. She grabbed onto his arm, and he confessed, "Since the morning," Ashlyn pursed her lips. Something definitely happened- he waited for her and it was a full school day!  
"What's wrong Ej?" This time, she asked softly and cautiously. This made Ej break down. He took a deep breath, trying to relax himself. "You know you can tell me anything right?" Her voice always managed to keep him calm. He looked at her, and she could see that he was scared.

"Yeah." He simply responded, and Ashlyn waited. She was always patient when it came to Ej. She took another lick from her strawberry ice cream.   
"There's this guy that I'm friends with, Ricky, I met him back at school," Ashlyn nodded, although they were close she didn't go to the same school as him so she didn't know this 'Ricky'.  
"We're kinda close. I didn't realize that people were taking it the wrong way," Ej explained. She narrowed her eyes. Before she could say anything, Ej said in a small voice, "This guy at school told me that people were talking about us. And I hate myself for this but I feel like I'm changing my mind about this friendship with him."  
Ashlyn nodded slowly, trying to understand. 

"I'm starting to feel weird now. Like I want to put distance between us." He said.'  
"What's different now though Ej? What changed? Just because someone made an assumption? That's not even true by the way." Ashlyn wasn't stupid; after knowing Ej her whole life she knew damn well it was Ej. And she had a hunch on what it was but she would never outright say it. 

"He didn't do anything that's the thing. It's me. I know it's me. I feel different now." His trembled.   
"Why do you feel different? Like you feel something else for Ricky?" Ashlyn softly asked, staring at him. Ej turned away, as if her question hurt him. They were almost at her house.

"I think I do but I can't." He said softly.  
"Ej it's okay-" She began to say.   
"It's not okay I feel weird about myself! I don't want to feel like that! I know it's okay for others but I can't be like that Ashlyn I fucking can't, I feel so weird," Ej snapped. Ashlyn was quiet. They had stopped walking, but Ej began to walk ahead. She caught up with him, grabbing his hand.

"I'm fucking horrible," He whispered and she did not hesitate to protest.   
"No, you're not Ej. No one, not even me has the right to judge you about your feelings or anything for that matter. This is how you feel and that's it. You are not a horrible person and I cannot stress that enough. I love you so much." She wanted to say so much more, feeling so distraught for him. He began to cry.

"I feel so shitty but I can't say anything; I feel so trapped," He said, his voice breaking.   
"Ej, you could talk to him, I'm really sure that he would understand. Ricky seems like a good person, you can tell him-"  
"Tell him what? That I might like him and I don't want to feel like that? That I don't want to be friends anymore?" He said sarcastically. She still held onto his hand, giving it a light squeeze.   
"Tell him what you're telling me now. Your feelings."   
"I cant. I just can't. I don't want to," Ej wiped his tears with his sleeve. They had arrived at her house.   
"Okay, you don't need to. Just tell him you need space."   
"Fine," Ej's voice broke. "Is it okay if I sleepover for the weekend?"

_____  
He went back home on Sunday. His father was out for work again, so his mother greeted him in the living room. It was only six in the evening, but Ej told her that he wasn't feeling too well. He excused himself to his room, each step of the stairs feeling heavier the more he ascended.   
Once he slipped into his room, he didn't bother closing his door, his mom was probably gonna watch TV downstairs. No one was going to talk to him.

Ej started to rethink his whole relationship with Ricky.   
He suddenly felt uncomfortable with himself and _him_. Like someone had actually told him the truth.   
Ej knew he was too close to Ricky. People were starting to talk. He had to separate himself from Ricky he just had to start.   
He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling.   
Did he actually like Ricky? As in romantically? Maybe?   
But He didn't like boys- he liked girls like everyone else.   
Right? 

But the way Oliver insinuated that something else was going on-the way he said it with such disgust and disbelief.   
Ej turned to his side, curling into a ball. He stared at his nightstand, where Ricky's gift of the high school musical microphone was. He closed his eyes, not wanting to think about Ricky, Oliver or anyone. 

"Ej? What's wrong?" Ej's eyes flung open and saw his mother standing by the doorway. 

She made her way to his bed, carefully sitting beside him. She brushed her fingers against his cheek. Ej leaned in to her touch. He knew she must have been planning a night out with her friends since she wore her perfume that smelled like roses, and her hair was flat ironed. Ej stared at her other hand laying on his blanket, her nails were the color of a sparkly blue.

"I feel sick mom," He replied, voice shaky. She started to hum. Her hand laid gently against his forehead, feeling his temperature.  
"Is it your head?" She switched to touch his cheek.   
"Maybe. I hurt everywhere." Ej then had tears coming out of his eyes. She brushed them off.  
"What's really wrong? You're crying baby," She rubbed his back.   
"My head just really hurts and I feel sleepy mom," Ej lied, and she nodded sympathetically.  
"I'll bring you some tea then. Try to sleep, I love you," She kissed him on the cheek and pulled the covers over him. She gave him a tight hug, kissing his forehead. Ej stayed in the same position, tears still streaming. She stepped out and closed his door. Ej broke down soon after.  
Both of his hands reached up and covered his mouth, afraid that if he didn't shut his mouth right away, his sobs would escape and the whole world could hear. He tried to calm himself down by breathing slowly- in and out. He wiped his tears again, his breathing slowing down.

He wasn't gay.

He just wasn't. Other people could be but not him. He was straight. He had to be. 

Ej knew he was probably the worst person on earth- having feelings for his best friend. He felt exposed by Oliver's words.   
"So now what?" Ej whispered to himself.   
Next year he would be going to high school, and he could use that time to distance himself. He had to.   
His phone buzzed, he lifted it up to see that Ricky sent him a meme. Along with the text-  
 _ **How you holding up?**_  
Ej felt his tears come down again. He responded back.   
_**I've been better**_

He put his phone down on the side of his pillow. In a second, he heard his phone buzzing, this time continuously. He picked the phone up, and the screen lit up with the contact photo of a smiley Ricky.   
He stared at the phone, and in the third ring decided to pick up.  
"Hey," Ricky said.  
"Hi." He croaked.   
"Whoa, you don't sound so good. What happened? Did you eat something bad? I told you to not eat that cafeteria food yesterday-"  
While Ricky talked, Ej continued to silently cry, he wanted to tell him everything that happened-  
And yet he couldn't.   
So he didn't.  
"Can you just, can you please sing to me so I can fall asleep?" Ej asked, his voice broken and small. If Ricky noticed that he was crying, he didn't mention it.   
"Yeah man, of course. I'll sing your favorites." He heard Ricky shuffle around and get his guitar. Meanwhile Ej settled back into the covers, placing the phone on his nightstand, making sure it was on speaker.   
"You ready?" Ricky asked, strumming his guitar to a familiar tune. 

"Yeah." Ej sniffed. He had curled into his side, staring at his bedroom wall.   
"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see. . . you were always there beside me.  
Thought I was alone, with no one to hold. . .  
 _But you were always there beside me."_

**_January- Try Outs_ **

"Are you nervous?" Ricky asked casually. Ej sighed, giving him a half smile. "Kinda. I'll probably get depressed if I don't make it."   
They were standing outside at the school's pool. The water polo coach and student assistants from East High were holding try outs for water polo JV. Ej had explained to Ricky that if they do get accepted, the coach would contact them in May to attend a water polo intensive camp to get everyone all on the same page for the freshman year.   
So, that Thursday afternoon, Ej and a bunch of other kids were waiting around at the pool. Some of the people probably just knew how to swim, and others like Ej had taken water polo lessons and water polo camps all their life. Everything was leading up to this moment.

Ricky had waited for him after school like usual, even packing lunch for the older boy. He knew that when Ej was nervous, he didn't eat anything for fear of throwing up.  
"You're going to make it, trust me. You're probably the only one who's actually good at this," Ricky elbowed him in the ribs. Ej broke into a smile, adjusting his hold on his duffel bag. He had worn his favorite track outfit- making him look more sleek.   
Ej spotted Oliver across the pool. Oliver was talking to another person, and Ej could see that he noticed him. He nodded at him, to which Ej returned the nod.   
"Actually I'm feeling very nervous I might poop," Ej confessed, turning to Ricky.   
"Okay first of all, that's not gonna happen, take a deep breath. You've been practicing your whole life. You're going to get in. I believe in you," Ricky grabbed onto his shoulder, in an effort to comfort him. Ej nodded, sucking in a huge breath. 

"Also, are you getting taller than me?" Ricky's eyes squinted.

"Yep, I'm catching up. And you're right. Thanks dude for coming with me," He smiled warmly at Ricky.   
"Duh I'm going to be here. You got my support one hundred percent." He let go of his arm. Ej missed it instantly.   
"Alright, everyone please head onto the lockers and change. Coach and I will be outside so be fast." Everyone turned to see a guy who was muscular and tall. He grinned at everyone. Ej felt his heart pound from the anxiety. He definitely looked like the water polo star. 

"You got this. You're fine," Ricky gave him one last encouragement. He held his hand out for their secret handshake. Ej nodded and reached out for his hand.  
Ricky watched as Ej walked with the other people to the locker room. He couldn't help but feel proud about him, his best friend was going to be the star of the water polo team.

He walked out of the pool section to sit on the grass outside.   
Ricky began to set his backpack carefully on his side, pulling his phone out to send Ej a text to see once he's out.   
He tried to do his homework but he was getting a bit nervous for Ej. He hoped everything was going fine.   
Ricky couldn't believe it was Ej's last year in the same school. Then, in the fall he would be going to East High. He opened his phone and looked at his gallery. There were so many pictures of him and Ej. Videos too:  
Ej trying to do a back flip and failing miserably. Ej lip syncing to Katy Perry's songs.   
Ricky and Ej dancing. Ej singing happy birthday to Ricky and his friends.

It hurt his heart to know that they wouldn't be spending as much time. Ricky hadn't broached the subject to Ej though, he was too sad to talk about it.   
Ricky just wanted the year to be over and for him to be a freshman in high school already.   
That's all he could do.

___

Two hours later, Ej found Ricky lying down with his hoodie on, that covered his eyes.  
"I'm back sleepyhead," Ej teased. He bent down and poked Ricky's stomach. Ricky smiled, grabbing his hand.

"How'd it go?" Ej helped him up. He brushed grass clippings from his legs.   
"Honestly, not that bad. I feel like, I did good. But I don't want to jinx it! The coach was strict he totally grilled some kids." Ej explained. They both began to walk through the school building, entering the hallways. "You should have seen me I was so scared haha! I'm pretty sure we were all sweating from the nerves."  
"Speaking of, I'm hungry," Ej complained, rubbing his stomach. Ricky opened his backpack, taking out a lunch bag. He held it out to Ej.  
"Ahh dude, what would I do without you?" He clutched the lunch bag to his chest. Ricky shrugged and replied, "You're welcome,"  
Ej opened the bag to see a peanut butter and jelly sandwich along with the Yakult yogurts he loved.   
Ej squealed and gave Ricky a one armed hug. The hallways were empty since it was late after school. They decided to go to the park to their secret hideaway. 

After the whole Oliver incident, Ej decided he was going to spend time with Ricky like normal and just never talk about that incident or his feelings. There were times that Ej wanted to tell Ricky his true feelings, but he always chickened out. There was also times that Ej started to feel too weird around him. And then there were times where Ej thought to himself, _How am I supposed to move on from him?_ And then there were times where he thought _, Why am I starting to feel like I can't be myself around you?_

"Hey is it cool if I sleepover tomorrow night?" Ricky asked him. Ej swallowed a bite of his sandwich.   
"Yeah it's cool, my mom has been missing you," He responded, struggling to hold onto his sandwich and to open his yogurt bottle. Ricky plucked the yogurt bottle, opened it and placed it back in his hand. Ej thanks him, drinking a big gulp.   
It had never tasted so sweet.

**_June- Ej's promotion_ **

"Mom hurry! I want to get good seats!" Ricky brushed his fingers through his hair, making sure his locks were in place. He checked himself one last time in the mirror. He was wearing a white button down with black pants.   
"Okay almost done I'm applying lipstick!" She hollered from her room.  
It was a special day for Ricky, it was finally Ej's promotion day. It was a ceremony at school in which all the names were called and given a certificate.

It would officiate the last day of eighth grade for Ej.   
Ricky walked downstairs and headed to the door. His mother caught up with him, keys in hand.   
"Let's go," Mrs. Bowen and Ricky got into the car. It was a sunny and warm, promising a good beginning to the day. 

Ricky was fidgeting in his seat, texting his other friends on his phone.   
Mrs. Bowen noticed, and she cleared her throat.  
"You know Ricky, I've been wanting to talk to you about Ej," She began, trying to make her voice as soft as possible. Ricky looked up at her, confused.   
"Yeah? Whats up?"

"Ej is going to a new school and he's going to be having new beginnings. He won't have as much time to hang around," Ricky narrowed his eyes, still confused as to what she was getting at.   
"What are you saying?"  
"Honey, some people grow apart. I just want you to be careful if you see that happening with Ej." She said, looking so concerned.

Ricky could hardly believe what he was hearing.He let out a surprised laugh.  
"Mom, this is Ej we're talking about!" He exclaimed. She nodded, stopping at a traffic light. She turned to Ricky.   
"I want you to know that though. It can happen to anyone, Sometimes friendships don't work out and it's not anyone's fault."  
Ricky was so annoyed at her, and thought to himself, _You don't know him. You don't know him like I do._  
"Thanks mom." He said, faking his smile at her. She reached over and fluffed his hair, as if that helped Ricky forgive her for the fact that she said Ej was going to stop hanging out with him. 

He stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride.  
___

At Ej's promotion party, Ricky was beaming with pride and happiness. Ej's family and friends had come over to celebrate.   
There were tables in his backyard, each one filled up with little kids and elderly people. 

Ej was busy catering to everyone and being a host. Ricky went inside to refill his lemonade, and also to search for him. He walked to the kitchen, finding Ej's mom introducing her son to her friends. Ricky sipped his already empty cup, hiding his smirk when Ej made his "please help me" eyes at him across the the kitchen counter top. 

"My baby Ej, he's entering high school," She cooed, giving Ej kisses on his cheek. Her friends cheered, and one of them said, "Honey, you're growing up to be a handsome man! How do you not have a girlfriend yet? All the girls must be throwing themselves at you!" Ricky raised his eyebrows. _You have no idea_. He thought, looking the other way.   
Ej grinned and disagreed, always humble in front of others. 

"Oh he gets the looks from me of course! Plus, my little Ej doesn't need a girlfriend, not now," His mom gave him a last kiss on top of his head. She led her friends away, to go outside to help with refreshments. Ej sighed, walking towards Ricky.   
"Hey! Hows the party?" Ej asked eagerly, clearly wanting Ricky to have a good time. 

"Its good, congrats on promoting!," Ricky complimented, opening the fridge.   
"Thanks man. I'm excited for our summer."   
Ricky closed the fridge to see him gulping a glass of water.   
He was dressed in a light blue button up with a collar and beige pants with white shoes. He had even styled his hair on the side.

"It's going to be the best, I wanna go camping and we can go to the summer festival again! Like last year!" Ricky kept throwing out ideas. They both didn't admit it out loud, but this summer had to be the best they could ever spend, since Ej was moving onto high school after. 

"We can even go see the new movie Guardians of the Galaxy! I heard it was so good!" Ej jumped up and down. Ricky opened his mouth to say something else just as Ej's home phone started to ring.   
He grinned at the younger boy as he leaned over the kitchen counter to answer it. 

"Hello? Yeah hi! Yes this is Ej Caswell. . . " Ej made a face, of pure shock.  
"Yeah okay thank you so much! Okay! Yeah of course no conflict at all! Thanks again!" Ej hung up "What happened?!" Ricky felt his heart pound so fast and so quick, he thought for sure the other boy could hear.   
"It was the water polo JV, from East High. I made it onto the team!" He screamed. Ricky yelled with him and they both hugged, holding on tight to each other.   
"I knew you were gonna make it!" Ricky melted into his hug.   
"I can't believe it oh my god." Ej mumbled. Both boys continued hugging, it was as if the whole world had stopped spinning just for them. 

Ej let go first, stepping back. He scratched the back of his head. 

"I'm proud of you." Ricky said, and Ej blushed. Then, his face changed. He stopped smiling, looking to the ground.

"He also told me that I'm supposed to go to water polo camp with the team." The excitement from his voice left.   
Ricky's smile faltered. "When's the camp?"   
"It's for a month- the last week of June all the way to August," He said, this time his voice was lower and more monotone.   
Ricky felt his heart sting.   
So they had less time than he thought.  
"That's good! This is what you've been working hard for!" Ricky encouraged. Ej still looked worried.   
"C'mon dude it's only for a month. We can call or video chat. Don't even worry," he assured him. He patted his back, giving him his most reassuring smile.  
Ej cracked a smile, not being able to keep his excitement down.

"I'm in the East High water polo team oh my god!!" Ej yelled again, and Ricky cheered alongside him.

They would have to make most of the little time they had left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big ooof this took a while longer than expected! But this is wrapping up, I'm probably going to split the last chapter into two parts. We are getting towards the end though! As always, thanks for reading!


	4. Four: Drifting Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ej makes new friends, he's entering the new school year going into East High and Ricky's just. . . there.

"Stop looking so sad." Ricky said, exasperated.   
Ej's eyes lifted from the floor to meet his.   
"I'm sorry-" He began but Ricky interrupted.   
"No don't be. Dude this is only for a month and then we can see each other again." Ricky watched as the older boy fidgeted with his duffel bag straps. They were currently sitting on Ej's bed. His dad was supposed to come home early from work to drop him off at camp, so both boys were waiting in his room. His mother had left already, so they were the only people in the house. 

Ricky didn't realize that Ej was going to turn really mopey because of the one month apart; but then again, he actually thought it was kinda sweet. Because it meant that he was really going to miss him.  
"Yeah I know." The older boy said softly.   
"And you can text me if anything. So relax, this is going to be fun for you." Ricky carefully pried Ej's fingers off of his duffel bag strap, letting go after that, but Ej grabbed his hand. Ricky looked at him, questioning his action but he didn't take his hand away.   
Ej stared at their hands.

"Thank you for being my friend. For always having my back. I would be lost without you." He said softly.   
Ricky intertwined their fingers, half smiling.  
"I'm going to miss you so much." Ej finished, his heart pounding. He lifted his eyes up to meet Ricky's once more. Suddenly, the younger boy knew they weren't just talking about water polo camp, but of Ej's year of high school.

Ricky felt a rush of love for Ej in that moment; he had so much to say-whenever he was in Ej's presence, he always made Ricky feel important, like nothing else mattered. Ej always had his back, always spoke up for him, even in the little things. Whenever Ricky gets a wrong order at Taco Bell, or he's missing a drink, Ej will go up and ask for it, or give back the order for a new one. Whenever Ricky is too shy to speak up with other people, Ej will make an excuse and save him. And Ej was fun, outgoing. He made Ricky do things that he never would normally do out of his own accord. Ej made him better, and he tried to think of how to tell him all of this, all at once. So he did, in the only way he could think of. 

"I love you." Ricky whispered. He was surprised to hear it come out of his own mouth. His heart pounded; he felt so vulnerable to Ej in that moment.  
Ej was surprised too, because his eyes had widened. "I love you too," He responded back, with no hesitation. The next second he hugged Ricky.   
Ricky was still surprised that he had actually said it out loud- and he _meant_ it. And the feeling of relief and happiness poured through him when Ej told him those three words back. It felt good to hear that you were _loved_. Ricky was loved by Ej.   
He relaxed into the older boy's shoulders, holding onto his torso tightly.   
_Ej's acting like this is going to be the last time we're going to talk._ Ricky thought, smiling to himself.   
He wouldn't know it then, but it was. At least for a while.

 _ **July- Water Polo Camp  
**_ Ej was surprised to find himself loving the camp. He was already nervous and upset about Ricky, so he wasn't exactly going to the camp with his most optimistic attitude. He met other people who were accepted into the team, from different schools. He was sad to see that Oliver wasn't anywhere in sight on the first day of camp. He didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed. 

Everyday they would wake up early and get into that cold unforgiving water in the pool, do some warm ups then whatever activity the coach had in mind. 

It would get intense in the middle of the day, then they would play competitions in the evening with their mentors (who were just the older kids in the varsity section.)   
Ej learned new techniques, new stretches and remedies for certain small injuries.   
Everyone was welcoming and friendly, so Ej didn't have a problem fitting in. 

Ej also learned that there was a girls camp alongside them, representing the water polo girls team.   
The weekends were usually free time for everyone to unwind and rest before having to get back to the harsh routine on Monday mornings.

"Hey we're planning to have a bonfire later, stop by!" Michael said, passing by his table at lunch.   
Ej grinned and replied, "Sure," One of Ej's friends, Aaron, nudged him under the table with their foot. Sometimes, Ej thought he reminded him of Oliver.   
"I heard the girls from water polo were coming over too." He said in a low voice, half smiling.  
"Oooh, what you're trying to meet someone tonight?" Ej asked, wiggling his eyebrows at his friend.   
"Yeah same to you," Aaron said, poking a hole with his straw at his juice carton.   
Ej frowned; he hadn't met any girl since middle school ended, and he wasn't too keen on meeting them. He wasn't particularly feeling up for dating when his dumb heart was crushing on Ricky Bowen. 

But then again, this was supposed to be a fresh start, and he told himself that if he was going to get space from Ricky, it couldn't hurt to meet someone else.   
  
___  
That evening, he walked with Aaron to the bonfire.   
"I can't wait to meet the girls, who knows, maybe I'll meet my future girlfriend," He gushed. Ej rolled his eyes but he encouraged him.  
"Hey, maybe, who knows?." Ej adjusted his jacket, zipping it up all the way. It was getting chillier than he had expected. Aaron wore the opposite, he wore a navy blue short sleeve with gray shorts.   
"I'm just saying you better hype me up. And you better not steal my girlfriend!" Aaron narrowed his eyes at Ej, making a face.

Ej burst out laughing, shaking his head.  
"Why would I steal them from you?" Both boys were now walking through a dirty path, far from the cabins. 

"You don't mean to, but you're pretty good looking dude. And I am not the cutest boy here." Aaron said so casually. Ej's eyes rolled, but he was still grinning.  
"Relax, I am not like that and you're a fucking great catch dude. Don't sell yourself short." Ej replied. 

They arrived at the bonfire to see that other girls were already there. It was a big circle, someone had even started passing out marshmallows with chocolate.   
Ej sat down randomly, patting the seat beside him for Aaron.   
His eyes wandered across the circle of people, trying to get a look at everyone. His eyes lingered on a girl across from him.   
Ej stared for three seconds, and found himself unable to turn away.

She was beautiful. She had long, curly hair. Her complexion was a dark mocha, and her eyes were big and brown.   
She was laughing with two other girls. Ej fell in love with her smile, because it made him feel warm and welcomed.   
It was as if everyone else was gone, as if they didn't matter.   
She tucked one curly strand behind her ear. As if feeling his stare, her gaze turned to Ej. Before he could panic and look away, she smiled at him. She gave a small wave.   
He felt his knees go weak.   
Aaron elbowed his ribs. He had noticed the exchange.   
"Do you know who that is?" Ej tried to ask inconspicuously. Aaron grinned as soon as he realized who Ej was talking about.   
"That's Shaliyah. She's the cutest one in the girls team." He said lowly. Ej flashed her a smile back.

By the end of the bonfire and the night, Shaliyah and Ej had talked. They shared s'mores and exchanged phone numbers. Ej learned that she was from another middle school, but she was going to East High in the fall, like him. He also learned that she had two younger brothers, a dog named Noodle and she wanted to be veterinarian.   
He lost his virginity to her before camp ended.   
It was awkward like all first times, but she had been satisfied, and that was enough for Ej.   
By the end of camp, Ej learned that he wasn't gay; he couldn't be after being with a girl. And yet he didn't fall in love with Shaliyah. It was for the best since she didn't want to get together either way. They only had sex two times, a week after they first met and a quick one the last night in camp.   
_"I was wondering, did you want to hang out when we start school?" Ej had asked, putting his shirt on. He glanced back at her, she was leaning against a tree. Shaliyah gave him a look, as she slipped on her shoes.  
"Maybe. I'll see you around." She had left him in the woods, not even giving him a hug or kiss goodbye, Ej had noted. But why would she? It wasn't like they were anything. _

It was a summer fling for all they cared.   
He convinced himself that his feelings for Ricky were gone and it was just a sad phase.

**_Late July_ **

"You look different!"   
"A good different?" Ej smiled, hugging Ricky. He was now taller, his complexion was more tanner than before.   
"Yeah." Ej had started to style his hair now, and wore much better fitting clothes.   
He looked more confident of himself too.   
"It's cool though. How was camp?" Ricky stepped in place beside the now taller boy, still not believing he was seeing Ej after a whole month. It was just a month; and yet Ricky really realized how much time he spent with Ej on a day to day basis. 

Ricky had met him at the bus stop, Ej's parents couldn't pick him up since they were busy. Ej sent a message to Ricky and they both decided to hang at his house for the meanwhile. Ej had hopped off the bus, but Ricky was distracted when he saw that someone else hopped off the bus, standing beside Ej. They were not as tall as Ej, but Ricky could tell that he was probably the same age. He had cropped, brunette hair, and he was also tanned. The bus drove away, as Ricky wondered what that guy was doing standing next to Ej.

"Hey, Ricky, this is my friend Aaron, I met him at camp. Aaron, this is Ricky." Ej introduced them, smiling, looking excited.   
"Hey man! Nice to meet you." Aaron held his fist out. The younger boy tapped his fist with his own.  
"Hi, it's nice to meet you too. So you live around here?" Ricky asked, hoping that he didn't, at least not on their blocks. 

"Yeah! My mom said I could sleepover at Ej's, so here I am." Aaron grinned, "Ah that reminds me I have to call my mom really quick." They all walked to the side of the sidewalk, so they were not in the way in case any one walked through. Aaron walked to the grassy side, taking out his phone to dial his mother's number. 

Ej and Ricky were waiting on the side of the sidewalk.   
"You didn't tell me you were coming with a friend. He seems cool though." Ricky commented, hoping his tone didn't sound sarcastic. He couldn't help but feel bummed out a bit.   
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry but it was last minute! It's fine though, Aaron is really cool you'll like him." Ej replied, reaching into his duffel bag to take out a bottle of sunscreen. He slathered some on his arm, then he held the bottle out to Ricky. 

He sighed, and held his arm out to Ej, who slathered the lotion onto his arm.   
"We don't want to repeat the summer before eighth grade, you had horrible sunburns." Ej joked, making Ricky crack a smile. Ej always knew how to make him smile. 

"Hey guys, sorry that took long my mom left me a whole chore list for when I come back ugh. Anyway what are we planning to do today?" Aaron stepped back in, and Ricky tried to push that ugly feeling inside of him away.   
"Let's go to my place and eat? I've been starving." Ej suggested. Aaron immediately agreed. All of them started to walk to Ej's house. 

Ricky felt like an outsider. Ej would try to include him, which he appreciated him, but the truth was that he wanted to spend time with Ej alone and get back to the way things were. He felt guilty for feeling jealousy towards Aaron, but he knew he had to get it together. Aaron couldn't help but bring up the times in water polo camp, but he would try to change the topic inconspicuously for Ricky. 

When they arrived at Ej's house, they decided to go to the community pool to cool off. The day had been so hot, and they all felt sticky. Ricky watched as Ej gave Aaron a towel. The way they both joked around each other was so natural, Ricky hated that he was pointing unnecessary things out.

 _So, Ej is allowed to have friends right? I'm not his center of the universe!_ Ricky thought, and yet couldn't help the thought that followed right after it. _But he's yours._

_____

Ricky floated in the pool, watching as Ej and Aaron raced each other. They demonstrated each other what they learned at camp. Aaron began to mimic their coach, making Ej laugh out loud. 

Ricky slowly got out of the water, walking to the table to get his towel. He didn't feel like swimming anymore.   
Aaron was now splashing Ej, hollering and yelling. They made a competition between themselves to see who could hold their breath longer.   
When both boys came up, Aaron clapped Ej on the back.

Ricky was drying his hair when he heard Aaron ask, "Hey, so you never did update me on Shaliyah. Are y'all still speaking or what." Ej splashed him, shushing him. He glanced back at Ricky, who pretended to be scrubbing his hair dry with his towel. 

Ricky's heart pounded, his stomach forming into knots. Ej didn't tell him about a girl at camp. Who was this Shaliyah? If Aaron knew about her, then why didn't Ej tell him when they were busy talking about camp?

It stung Ricky. It meant that he had a crush, something, and he didn't even tell him. He laid the towel back on the table, heading towards the pool.   
Ej looked back at Ricky, and they made eye contact. Ej shrugged. Ricky narrowed his eyes, hoping that maybe, for some miracle, Ej can read his mind and what he was feeling. 

Ej raised his hand out, gesturing for Ricky to come in.   
He smiled warmly, and Ricky melted in that stupid smile again.   
Maybe this was just a weird day for the both of them.

**_Late November_ **

Ten calls. Numerous amounts of texts. At least six voice memos.  
And Ej didn't answer a single one.   
It was a Friday night, and of course it was on a Friday night that his parents blew up so much that Ricky was on the verge of a meltdown. He had messaged Ej, but nothing. He even checked if his own wifi was good, but everything seemed fine on Ricky's end. 

He breathed quickly in his bed, trying to will himself to sleep, but he couldn't. It was barely ten, but he couldn't sleep after the screaming fest he had witnessed.

He called Ej one more time.   
"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-"

Ricky hung up, but he couldn't take it anymore. Maybe Ej was in his room and his phone died.   
Maybe he lost his phone. Ej wouldn't just answer just because, he wasn't like that.   
So, he did the only logical thing anyone would do: walk to Ej's house.   
He slipped out of his room, walking as quiet yet as fast as his legs could take him. The last thing he heard from his parents was his mother crying in the bathroom upstairs and his dad storming in their room. Ricky made a run for it as soon as his feet touched the ground outside. 

He ran until he saw Ej's house in view. He was breathing hard, out of breath, clearly out of shape; he never was one to run for shits and giggles like Ej did. 

His heart ached to see Ej, to be with him, he missed him so much. They hadn't hung out properly since he came back, since the day they went to the pool with Aaron.   
Finally, after feeling like his lungs were on fire, he arrived at the house, feeling hopeful. He knocked on the door, heart pounding.   
He imagined Ej to opening the door. 

"Hey honey, what's going on?" Ej's mother answered. She stood in front, she raised a brow, looking confused. She wore a blue cardigan and sweats, her hair in braids.   
"Uhm, I- Is Ej here? I need to see him," Ricky stammered, and she smiled kindly. That was the thing about Mrs. Caswell, she smiled at him like she really did care about all of his problems (which Ricky doubted, but appreciated none the less.)

"I'm sorry Ricky, but Ej is at water polo practice, they've been stretching the practices until Friday. Honey he didn't tell you?" She looked even more sad, which Ricky did not appreciate.   
"Yeah he did, I forgot-" He lied. Ej never mentioned water polo practice; either he forgot to mention it to Ricky or he was lying to his mother.  
"Listen, why don't you wait for him in his room? He shouldn't be too long." She opened the door wider, stepping to the side. Ricky smiled, grateful. "Thank you Mrs. Caswell. I'm sorry for intruding."  
"Don't worry about it, I know Ej will be happy to see you." She closed the door gently. After offering Ricky a glass of water, she went to the living room to continue watching her rom-com. 

He walked inside, up the stairs, turned the corner and into Ej's room.  
He noticed that his room looked different. There was no posters like before, no wacky drawings of his favorite characters. The walls were bare and empty, only a painting hung on one of the walls. He saw that Ej had the tidiest room he had ever seen. 

Ricky looked around, and noticed that there were three frames up on his nightstand. He walked closer, and smiled when he realized that one of them was a photo of them at a carnival. Ricky sat on his bed, reaching to the picture frame. He stared at _him_ , the Ej in the picture. He missed having fun with him. 

Ricky placed the frame back, choosing to sit back on the bed. 

Ricky was thinking about what to do to pass time, when he noticed that one of the desk drawers was slightly open. _Ej would find that annoying._ Ricky thought, pleased to think that he was doing his best friend's a favor. He got up to the desk, leaning over to see something colorful and shiny. 

He frowned, wondering if he had gum, so he opened the drawer more.

Two brightly colored condoms stared right back at him. 

Ricky shut the drawer back.  
He turned red, and yeah he is feeling embarrassed, but there's something else Ricky couldn't name-  
This meant that Ej was having sex. 

_When did he grow up?_ Ricky thought to himself. _And why do I feel so sick? It's just sex. Why the fuck am I making this seem like a big deal?_

The walls of Ej's room felt like it was closing in on him, so he did what he could do in that moment-

He left. 

**______ **

"Hey mom, practice was so tiring today! I need to shower like right now." Ej greeted once he made his way to the living room. He thanked God to see that his mom was abruptly awoken, so she wasn't on full alert for Ej's entrance. He was pretty sure he was slurring his words. It was also dark in the living room, just the TV light blaring in the room, so she couldn't see how red Ej's eyes were. 

"You go do that, I'm going to sleep baby," She dismissed him, and as Ej began to walk up the stairs as fast yet as calm as he could, she snapped her fingers. He almost hyperventilated, he thought that this was it, she caught him. His heart pounded so loud he thought she could hear him.   
"Yeah?" He asked, struggling to keep calm. 

"Ricky came over, he didn't tell me why but then he left about fifteen minutes later. I think he had something going on." She informed, then turned off the TV, yawning.

Ej gaped at her, nodding, "Okay thanks." He walked to his room, and once the door was closed, he fell onto his bed on his back. He sighed, rubbing his face. He started to giggle.  
"Holy shit, how did I not get caught." He whispered to the ceiling. There never was water polo practice on a Friday, Ej used that as an excuse to go to the parties his friends invited him to. 

He was fucked up right now, and the last thing on his mind was to see what Ricky had wanted. He giggled again, stretching his hand out in front of him. 

**_January_ **

Ricky texts Ej first, because he's got to see if Ej has time for him.   
He doesn't. Not as much as before. And yeah, Ricky should have seen this coming, Ej was bound to be busy with water polo and adjusting to a new school.

But he didn't think that it was going ot be this bad. Ej never had time for him; but Ricky had to remind himself that he was being too selfish.   
He even tried changing his after school route to Ej's school, but he never got a glimpse of Ej. So many weeks passed until Ricky gave up and stopped walking extra blocks just for the slight chance to see Ej. 

They've never been much of the texting people, since they always hung out in person, but now that they don't see each other at all, Ricky has resorted to texting Ej. He never realized what a horrible textert Ej is. 

But today was different; Ej invited him to hang out with him at a party with his water polo friends. Ricky wasn't excited to hang with Ej with other people around, but he would be hanging out with Ej over all, so he had to take it. It had been _so long_ since they even stepped out together.   
So Ricky had come over to his place, sitting on his bed, fidgeting with his hands. Ej was dressing himself, posing in the mirror. 

"You like this?" He turned to Ricky, spinning around to give his friend a look over. Ricky nodded, laughing lightly.   
"You look good," He said, giving him a cheesy thumbs up. Ej smiled in return, then walked to his side, sitting down. He reached out, adjusting Ricky's collared shirt. Ricky's breath caught in his throat. It had been a while since they've been this close. 

He looked up and met Ej's eyes. Ej's fingers gently patted the collar, his cold fingertips brushing briefly against Ricky's neck. 

"I know I've been busy, and I'm sorry." He said softly. In that moment, Ricky didn't feel the bitterness and insecurities of Ej not making time for him; in that moment he completely understood him.   
"You're fine, don't worry about it, of course you're going to be busy. You're adjusting to a new school and you're in a sports team. It's cool." Ricky replied back fast, not wanting for Ej to feel bad for anything.   
Ej laughed lightly, his hands falling down to his side. Ricky immediately missed them.   
"You're seriously the best friend anyone can ever ask for," He mused. 

_

At the party, Ej grabbed Ricky's hand to dance with him. They danced in front of each other, and in that moment, Ricky swore that everything was fine. They were okay in that moment. It felt like old times, simple and free. Ricky danced, he didn't care if he was being a bad or awkward dancer, Ej's eyes were on him and that's all that mattered. 

Ej began to twirl around smoothly, his entire body swaying to the beat. Ricky realized that Ej looked even more beautiful to him; as if the summer that they separated Ej became more good looking. Maybe it was the absence. Ricky was feeling the happiest he had been in a long time. 

And then some guy from the water polo team Ricky assumed, came by and offered him vodka. Ej grabbed the bottle and chugged what was left.   
Ricky frowned, but he didn't say anything. He declined it when Ej offered some. The older boy still kept on dancing, and as time passed, Ricky saw that his movements were turning a big clumsy. 

He saw out of the corner of his eye a girl stare at them, then she came up beside Ej. 

The girl started to grind up to Ej, and then in one swift motion, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close to kiss. Ricky stepped forward, saying, "Uhm, do you know her?"   
Ej shook his head, still smiling as he leaned to kiss her.   
Ricky interrupted again, leaning in closer to the older boy. "Dude, you're kinda drunk, what are you doing?" 

The girl rolled her eyes, while Ej narrowed his eyes at Ricky.   
"I'm not drunk, Ricky relax. I'm okay," He said, looking at Ricky like he had said the weirdest thing. Like he was an alien from another planet. 

"Ej, let's just go home," Ricky said, grabbing his arm and pulling. Ej snapped his arm back, looking confused and annoyed at the same time.  
"Whoa what the fuck Ej, who's this your babysitter?" The girl gave Ricky the dirtiest look, still holding onto Ej's shoulders. 

"Relax Ricky, I'm good here, maybe you just need fresh air," Ej said, giggling. The girl started to pull Ej away, and he let her. Ricky stared at both of them, open mouthed. He couldn't believe what just happened. His so called best friend left him, alone, in a party where he had invited him. Where they were supposed to hang out. 

Ricky looked around the party, everywhere he looked, boys were grinding on girls, people sucking each other' s face off. He saw Aaron in the distance, dancing with another group of people. 

Ricky ran out of the party. He felt so stupid that he had agreed to go in the first place. As he walked through the streets, his mothers words rang in his head;

_"Honey, sometimes people grow apart. I just want you to be careful when that happens with Ej."_

After that Ej never texted him, and after a while, Ricky gave up texting him too. 

**June- Ricky's promotion**

"Congratulations Ricky! You're going to high school!" Ricky's dad hugged him, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.   
"Thanks dad," Ricky replied, feeling suffocated from the hug. He pulled back, stretching his arms out from the tight hug. It was Ricky's parents idea to have a family gathering for him, a small get together. Ricky's grandparents flew in from California, along with Ricky's aunts and uncles. They were all seated at a big table out in the yard, with dishes cooked by his mother. Ricky was in a good mood too, his parents seemed to have been getting comfortable with each other, it started to feel like old times before they moved here. 

Ricky was about to take a seat, when he saw _him_ walk through the backyard gates. 

"Ej!" Ricky's mom yelped, walking over to greet him. Ricky's heart skipped a beat, his mood suddenly darkening. He excused himself from the table, reluctantly getting up to follow his mother. 

"Hi Mrs. Bowen! I'm glad to be here today, thank you for sending me the invite." Ej hugged his mom. She grinned, replying, "Oh of course Ej, don't worry, Ricky, I invited Ej as a surprise!" She looked back at Ricky expecting a reaction. 

He blinked, smiling in a second. Giving both of them the fakest smile he could muster. 

"Wow, thanks mom, I really appreciate it!" He said, nodding at her.   
"I'll let you boys talk, I gotta tend to your Grandpa Howie." She put her hand on her son's shoulders reassuringly, and she walked away to the big table that everyone else was seated at. 

"Wow, this is cool Ricky, I'm really-" Ej began to make small talk, but Ricky cut straight to the bullshit. As soon as his mother left, he scowled. "Let's go talk somewhere else," Ricky wasn't going to be the one to make a scene in front of his relatives, so he led Ej to the front porch. 

"Why are you here?" Ricky asked, his voice like ice.   
Ej looked taken aback. "I'm here for your promotion, we're all here to celebrate-" He began to explain but Ricky cut him off. His patience was gone for Ej, right now, he was _done._

"I don't need your celebration. Why do you get to show up today acting like everything is fine? When we both know it hasn't been for a while." Ricky said firmly. Ej frowned.   
"What do you mean? Yeah we haven't hung out this year much but-"  
"C'mon Ej don't act stupid! Let's call it for what it is! You ditched me for other people. It's _fine_." Ricky snapped, glaring at the taller boy.

Ej stared, surprised, then he turned his gaze down.   
"Ricky I didn't meant to ditch you; I didn't- I just- I can't be your friend like that because I don't feel comfortable around you. I want to but I can't," Ej said softly, and Ricky's world fell apart. There it was. And deep down, Ricky needed to have known this. He just kept refusing the reason out of his head. 

"So those two years meant nothing to you. You weren't comfortable back then either. You leave to high school and you forget all about me because you don't want to be near me?" Ricky said, and he didn't know how words kept coming out of his mouth when he felt like his heart was breaking into millions of pieces. When Ej didn't say anything, Ricky flared up.

"God look at yourself. I don't even recognize you. I'm not the one that changed here; you did. But you know what, that's not even the worst part Ej, the worst part is that you could have told me before you left, 'hey ricky, by the way, I don't want to be friends anymore because I'm going to make better ones!' You could have told me that so I wouldn't have wasted this whole past year on you!" Ricky was breathing heavily, now full on yelling at him. Ej now looked up at him, his eyes wide. 

"You don't know me. I've changed; I feel different about everything-I feel like I can't be myself around you. I don't even know myself anymore! And I'm sorry I don't feel like I did about us a year ago; you don't deserve that. But I will not be reprimanded for my change of feelings. It is not my fault that I have a different mindset now!" Ej shot back. He crossed his arms, now looking angry.   
"People fucking change Ricky and there's nothing you can do about it. It's called growing up. Shit happens."

"Oh wow, you think you're grown?! News flash Ej! You're just one year older than me! New hair and new clothes and you think you're grown? Think you're hot shit because you made it into the water polo team?" Ricky chuckled miserably. Ej's eyes narrowed at the mention of water polo.   
"I don't think I'm hot shit. I deserve to be around people that actually get me. And my "water polo" friends are the ones who get me," He said. He hoped his words were stinging Ricky. Because god knows Ricky was hurting him every time he opened his mouth. Ej was fighting back the lump that was slowly forming in the back of his throat. 

"Wow they help you? They get you? Who the fuck are you Ej?! I guess I didn't do shit right! I didn't help you in school or support you in everything right?! Because fuck me," Ricky couldn't contain his full on anger. 

Ej's tears were now streaming down his cheeks. Ricky wasn't done; it was as if a dam had been opened. 

"I can't fucking believe you Ej, you were supposed to be there for me, you're my best friend! Where were you when I needed you?! There were so many times this year when I fucking needed my best friend, and you weren't there! You were-" 

"I'm not your mom!" Ej yelled back. Ricky looked taken aback, eyes widening. "I can't look after you all the time." He said, his voice shaky. He looked away, looking heartbroken.

"I wish you never came up to me that day. I wish you could have asked someone else to be your partner. Then you would have saved me all this wasted time." Ricky said he wasn't yelling anymore, but he knew Ej had heard him.

"Fuck you Bowen." Ej said, and with that he turned around and walked away from his porch. Ricky froze in his place, watching as Ej walked away and never once looked back. 

Ricky knew he really meant it. He was done. Really done. All the anger Ricky had for him, and yet, deep in his heart, there was sadness. Regret. 

Ricky watched as he walked away, and he heard his mother calling him. He was fine, he assured himself. He went on with the rest of the night as normal. 

He served his relatives and did small talks with them all. His dad and mom didn't fight this time. It was like one happy family. He was so grateful. He was glad to have gotten rid of someone so toxic from his life.

It wasn't until he was in bed and he was staring at the ceiling that he had begun to cry. He couldn't stop shaking- and this overwhelming sadness overtook him. He felt as if he had lost someone so special. He opened his phone, scrolling and pressing the screen until he got to those photos. He pressed play on a video.

_Ej was eating a sandwich, staring at the TV in his room.  
"Oh my god don't tell me he dies. Ricky does he die?" Ej gasps, making a complete O with his mouth. Ricky chuckles and said behind the phone, "I can't tell you. I'm filming your reaction."  
"Just tell me I can take it!" Ej said, talking with his mouth full. _

Ricky's vision blurred again, and he realized he was crying. The Ej in the video was caring and never let Ricky down. He always came to Ricky for whatever problem he needed.   
He was warm and kind and thoughtful. Funny, a bit shallow but either way- he was Ricky's best friend in the whole world. No one got Ricky like he did. So what happened?

_How did we get so far apart?_

When Ej said Ricky didn't get him at all, It made Ricky feel like the whole friendship was fake. 

"Fuck him," He whispered, opening his phone and deleted all the pictures with Ej in them. 

_**September** _

Ricky entered the hallways of East High, nervous to officially start school. He switched his board to his other arm, taking a quick breath as he searched for his locker. He was pleasantly surprised to see some faces from middle school. He reached his locker, the one on the left near a classroom. 

He managed to open it on the first try. He placed his skateboard inside, hands lingering on the locker door. There was too many times in the past where he pictured his first day in East High, and this was definitely not one of them. 

He closed his locker to see that a redheaded boy beside him, struggling to open his locker.   
"Hey, need some help?" Ricky asked tentatively. The boy beside him lit up, smiling in gratitude.   
"Yes please! I thought that I could get the hang of it but no luck yet," He said, moving aside to let Ricky help him open his locker. He noticed that he also had a skateboard.   
Ricky managed to open it on the first try, feeling pretty confident of himself. "What's your first class?" He asked, feeling bold. The redhead took out his phone, scrolling and tapping to pull up his schedule of classes.   
"I have English in 203 with Diaz," he said, looking back at Ricky, who grinned. "Me too." Both boys smiled, feeling less anxious now that they had someone to go with to class. 

Ricky didn't notice that someone else was watching him-as people were beginning to crowd and greet each other from the summer break, there were groups of sports people wearing their bright red letter man jackets. 

Ej was across the hallway, standing with his group of water polo friends. He stared at Ricky, his expression sorrow. He hoped; maybe Ricky could look up and see him.   
"Hey, let's go to class, Ej you listening?" A team mate asked, snapping Ej back into reality. They waved a hand in front of him.  
"Yeah, let's go." As if on cue, the sophomore put on a smile, adjusting his jacket. As they began to pass by the hallway, a group of cheerleaders winked at them, one of them wishing Ej to have a good day at school. Ej had nodded, giving them a smile back. He looked back, to see if he could find Ricky, but Ricky had already left.   
Ricky never once looked his way. 

_**Present Day** _

"And that's it. " 

Seventeen year old Ricky said, stretching out on his bed. 

Big Red and Ricky ended back in his room, it was late at night as Ricky finished telling him what happened between him and Ej.  
"Wow, dude, that's wild. Seriously," Big Red whistled, not moving from his spot beside Ricky. 

"So you haven't talked to Ej since?" He asked, curious. 

"No, I guess not. Until this musical, and finding out he's dating my ex, I haven't talked to him." Ricky kept staring at the ceiling. Big Red frowned, turning to his side to stare at his friend.   
"Are you still mad at him? From that in middle school?" Big Red tried to ask gently, he wanted to know his feelings of the aftermath. Ricky shrugged. 

"I'm not mad at him."  
Big Red contemplated on how to ask his next big question, but just blurt out;

"Did you have feelings for Ej? Like, did you feel the atmosphere of something else? And bro, it's okay if you are, we can like whoever we want, to be honest he is pretty hot-" Ricky laughed lightly, shaking his head.

"Nah, there was nothing between us. Nothing like that ever happened. I just really admired him and cared for him like a brother. I forgot that I needed to give him space and we needed to set up boundaries. He got bored and tired of me." Ricky said nonchalantly. 

"No dude, don't say that. You're not boring. I think Ej just got lost on how to balance his new and old friends. But still, that didn't give him excuse to completely blow you off." Big Red sat up, putting his hands under his chin to support his head. Ricky shrugged. 

"Truth be told, I'm just scared that he's going to get bored of Nini like he did with me, and I don't want her to be hurt from someone like him. Someone who doesn't ," Ricky sighed, "Take things seriously." 

Big Red frowned. 

_

  
Later that night, Ricky laid in his bed, closing his eyes. He tried closing his heart and his mind, but telling Big Red about Ej made all the memories come back- and it was hitting him like a tidal wave. He didn't allow himself to feel the pain, but it all came back when Big Red left his house.   
He took a deep breath. Everything came back, vividly. It was like those memories were buried up and waiting for someone to pick at it and open it again.   
He had lied to Big Red about one incident. He began replaying the memory, of what truly happened. 

_"I love you." Ricky whispered. He was surprised to hear it come out of his own mouth. His heart pounded; he felt so vulnerable to Ej in that moment.  
Ej was surprised too, because his eyes had widened. "I love you too," He responded back, with no hesitation. The next second he hugged Ricky.   
Ricky was still surprised that he had actually said it out loud- and he meant it. And the feeling of relief and happiness poured through him when Ej told him those three words back. It felt good to hear that you were loved. Ricky was loved by Ej.   
He relaxed into the older boy's shoulders, holding onto his torso tightly. _

_Both boys pulled their heads back, yet they were still holding onto each other._

_Ej's fingers were brushing through Ricky's curls, and Ricky took the chance. Feeling bold,_   
_He leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Ej's slightly parted ones._   
_It was only for a few seconds, and as Ricky paused the kiss, Ej kissed him back._

_Ej gave him a shy smile back, but before both boys could say anything, they heard the front door of the house open._

_As if on cue, his father stormed upstairs, yelling for Ej to come down._

He thought when Ej would come back, they would talk about the kiss. He thought that they would become something- boyfriends? He never thought it was going to go downhill since then.

A part of him felt bad for lying to Big Red, but it just didn't sit right with him to tell Big Red about something private and intimate for Ricky and Ej. His first kiss was Ej, and he was stupid for even daring to dream that things between him and Ej would go somewhere. Besides, it was clear enough that that kiss meant _nothing_ to Ej. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is staying safe indoors in these scary times :/ Thanks for reading, I appreciate all the comments and will update soon, the next chapter will be the last :)


	5. Five: Forever and Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky and Ej finally talk about it.

Big Red tried not to think about the situation, but he couldn't help it. When he went to sleep that night, he dreamt of Ej and Ricky at school, staring at each other from across the hallway. But they wouldn't make a move near one another, and yet they both looked so miserable. Big Red would try to scream at them, shake his hands in every direction, but none of them listened; it was as if he wasn't there. He woke up abruptly with a cold feeling in his stomach.   
A whole week went by after Ricky told him everything, and that was all Big Red could think about. 

When he was supposed to be focusing on Algebra problems, he would end up thinking about how Ricky said Ej used to tutor him in math. When he ate lunch with Ricky, he couldn't help but glance at the water polo table, eyes lingering on the senior. When he walked to his classes and had to pass by the school's pool, he would look around to see if _he_ was there. But he usually wasn't; not at the time Big Red always looked. 

He had to do something. As Ricky's best friend (well after Ej) He had to do something for them to talk to each other. It was such a shame for two best friends to stop their friendship because of miscommunication, Big Red was sure that if they _just_ had an opportunity. . .

And It didn't help that Ricky and Ej seemed to really hate each other during the whole musical production. Not to mention that Ej becoming Nini's boyfriend added extra salt to the wound. (Ex now but it still didn't change the fact that Ej and Nini had something between them). 

One day at rehearsals, only a few weeks left for the production to be opened to the public, Big Red couldn't help but stare at Ej while he was practicing his lines with Gina and Ashlyn. He watched as Ej would rehearse his lines perfectly. All his lines were memorized and there was no stuttering when he talked. He made it look so easy. Big Red found it hard to believe that this senior, who presented himself as the typical jock, was someone Ricky considered as a "best friend." How could two people that seem so different physically, be at one point in time, united? 

He tried to picture Ej skating, even wearing the same style of clothes like Ricky, but he found himself inwardly cringing. 

He should have known that he wasn't being slick with his "secret glances."  
When Carlos called for a five minute break, Ej walks over to Big Red, surprising the poor redhead. 

"Hey, are we good?" His tone was full of uncertainty, not the anger that Big Red was expecting. Even his face was full on confusion and there was no hint of annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah, wh-,why what's up?" He stuttered, stumbling to put away some equipment.   
"You've been staring at me since we started rehearsals. I thought I made you angry or something and I wanted to talk to you." Ej shrugged, leaning over with Big Red to lend a hand on the heavy equipment. Big Red then remembers that Ej was on his whole honesty streak lately, so it made sense for the senior to confront him head on if there was going to be a "problem."  
"I just think you're really good and you're doing a great job." Big Red blurts out, before he could open his mouth to blab on anything else.  
Ej half smiled, replying, "Thanks man, you too." They both laid down the heavy equipment in the room beside the theater. Ej began to stretch his arm over his chest. 

Big Red stayed quiet for a moment, feeling anxious. He _needed_ a plan to get Ej and Ricky to talk again. He was so sure that if they just talked, everything would be fine. He wracked his brain to come up with something because this could be the only chance that he would get with the senior alone.   
"Hey, I was wondering, if you wanted to hang out? I think I want to learn about being an actor, and I would really appreciate, ah, the tips from you," He said, his voice shaky. Ej narrowed his eyes, but in the next second he grinned. The junior melted in relief.   
"Yeah, we can hang out, I've been acting my whole four years so I got some tips I can share with you." Ej checked his phone, swiping a text message away. He glanced back at Big Red, giving him a grin. "I didn't know you were interested in becoming an actor, " Big Red nodded, replying back, "Oh yea, I realized that I want to try something new, and this whole production has been opening my eyes." Ej nodded.   
"Yeah tell me about it, I've been learning a lot of new things about myself." He murmured, finishing up a text on his phone.   
  


"I can't do today, but I can do tomorrow after water polo practice, how does five sound?" Big Red nodding, letting out a breath. The hard part was done, now he had to convince Ricky to stay after school. He almost didn't believe how easy Ej had agreed to meeting up with _him_ of all people. He always believed that Ej would never hang out with anyone that wasn't his girlfriend or his water polo friends. Let alone a junior. 

"Cool, I'll text you tomorrow then," Ej clapped him on the back, winking at him. "C'mon, let's head back, everyone else is probably getting started." Ej gestured at him to move along, giving him a warm smile. Big Red walked beside him, willing himself to stop blushing. Before they entered the other room with everyone else, Ej gently touches his shoulder. Big Red looks at him quizzically, only to be bombarded with the cutest smile Big Red has witnessed from Ej. It was like Ej had accepted him.   
"Thanks for reaching out, I'm glad you asked me." He turns away and walks toward his place on the stage, beside Gina and Carlos. 

Big Red can't help but blush again, and he has to excuse himself to go to the bathroom to calm down because holy shit when did Ej become even hotter? 

* * *

Big Red had practiced his lie and facial expressions well enough by the time he met up with Ricky after school. They decided to walk to Ricky's since Big Red forgot to bring his skateboard. When Ricky was finished talking about how messed up it was for one of his math teachers to give a pop quiz, Big Red decided it was time to _casually_ bring up his lie. 

"Hey, tomorrow after school, do you mind meeting up with me? Like around five?" He asked nonchalantly, and holy shit should he be an actor because he was getting good at lying. Ricky raised a brow, cocking his head to the side.   
"Yeah but what for? You taking tutoring again?" _Ding Ding Ding!_   
Big Red loved that it was midterm season, it was the perfect excuse to say that he needed tutoring. It wasn't too early or too late in the semester to get some extra help with grades. He took a quick breather before he replied to Ricky; he was so nervous that he was going to see right though him and his plan.

"Yeah, I am, and my mom isn't going to be at home, she's working late again so I don't wanna be by myself," He replied with ease.   
Big Red made a mental note to look into the try outs for the play next semester, because this whole lying situation was definitely opening his artistic side. Ricky nodded, not asking anymore questions.   
"Yeah I will, don't worry." They arrived at his house, and Big Red couldn't help but imagine little Ricky and little Ej on the porch wearing their Halloween costumes. He wished he would have known them in their friendship, and not when they were angry with each other. 

Big Red hoped and had faith that tomorrow was going to work.   
It just had to. 

* * *

Big Red was anxious and nervous. How was he going to pull this off? Suddenly, this didn't feel like a good idea. It seemed like Ej and Ricky were taking their sweet time. He chose to hide behind a building nearby the quad area. If he peeked out on the side corner, he could see a table that was only several feet away, under a tree. He had told both boys to meet him on that specific table. 

His phone started to vibrate. He glanced down to see Ej was calling him.   
"Hey!" Big Red answered, hoping his voice didn't sound too enthusiastic.   
"Hey, I'm sorry I'm taking a while, coach made us do some laps and I took a quick a shower so I didn't show up smelling gross." Ej sounded breathless, but he didn't sound annoyed or irritated. He actually sounded apologetic. Big Red had always heard Ricky say mean things about Ej, like he was so selfish and egocentric, but it seemed like the senior changed his ways now that the musical production took place. _Or maybe I'm truly starting to get to know his true self,_ Big Red thought.

"No you're good, I'm waiting for you at the quad, I'm sitting on a bench next to the F building. I'm going to the bathroom really quick though, so just wait for me there okay? Please?" The junior crossed his fingers tightly, eyes closing and sending a wish to the universe.   
"Yeah cool no problem, I know where that is. See you soon," Ej said. They both hung up, just in time because Ricky sent a text message to his phone. 

_**Hey, I bought sandwiches, I'll wait for you at the bench where you said to wait.**_

Big Red texted back that he was on his way. Now this was the scary part; it would either go horrible or succeed. Big Red was willing to take his chances. A part of him did feel slightly guilty, he could have told Ricky what was going on but he wasn't too sure if his friend would actually voluntarily show up.   
He peeked out the wall, to see Ricky sitting at the bench, with two sandwiches wrapped on the table. He was still wearing his backpack, so he most likely went to a diner after school and came back. 

Big Red glanced to the right, seeing Ej walking fast to the bench. Since Ricky was wearing his hoodie, and his back was to Ej, (also pure luck that Ricky decided to put up his hoodie, Big Red had no control in that situation whatsoever.) Ej thought that Big Red was the one sitting there. 

Ej approached the table with a big smile.

"Hey man, sorry to make you wait-" When Ricky looked up and flipped his hoodie down, Ej's face fell. Big Red was sure he was going to pass out behind the wall. A couple of girls passed Big Red, giving him a weird look. 

"Hey?" Ricky said, confused. Ej set down his duffel bag that looked heavy.   
"I didn't know Big Red invited you here. I thought it was going to be the two of us." Ej claimed, narrowing his eyes. Ricky frowned, and then he face palmed himself. Of course Big Red would do this. He didn't know if he wanted to strangle him or shove him off a bridge. He should have seen this coming-or maybe he chose not to. The last thought surprised him.   
"Big Red wanted to meet up with me too. Here. " Ricky said with a sigh, as if that explained everything.   
"What do you mean?" Ej asked, preparing to grab his duffel bag. Ricky stared at the table top. There were so many things Ricky had to get off his chest, and right now, being with Ej for the first time by themselves outside of the theater, was making him reflect more of what he wanted to say to him. He had this opportunity to talk to his ex best friend; he needed to tell him everything he couldn't before. 

"Can we talk?" Ricky asked, looking up at him. Ej's blue eyes widened, glancing away from the junior's intent gaze.   
"About what?" Ej crossed his arms, still standing across the bench. The sun was setting, and the sky began to darken.  
"Where's Big Red?" He asked. He began to take out his phone, but Ricky interrupted. 

"I told him about how we used to be friends. He wants us to talk."  
Ej now looked even more irritated, and he grabbed his duffel bag to leave. 

"I have nothing to say to you. Tell Big Red that I was here but something came up-" He started to walk away, and he was only a few steps away when Ricky interrupted again. 

"I'm sorry for what I said that day. I regret opening my mouth and saying those hurtful words. I wish I could take it back." Ricky was now standing up from the table bench, his heart pounding. Ej stopped, turning around. He stared plainly at him. The silence seemed like an eternity to Ricky. He was sure Ej could hear his heart pounding against his chest. He was sure everyone in the entire school could hear. 

"Why are you telling me this?" Ej asked. "Why now?"   
Ricky felt like it was hard to swallow.   
"Because I had to tell you. I need you to know. I need it out there." 

"And? What am I supposed to do now?" Ej walked back to the table bench, but he still held onto his stuff. Both boys stood across from each other, now meeting each other's gaze. Ej suddenly scoffed, crossing his arms in front of him. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes-it wasn't a warm smile. 

"You're a real fucking work Ricky. So what you come at me now for some fucking closure? That's all this is, and I'm supposed to say I forgive you and that's it-"  
Ricky began to shake his head, saying, "No, no, no, you don't have to forgive me, I didn't say it to gain your forgiveness I am saying it because I needed to say it, I needed you to know that I recognize the horrible things I said to you," 

"Okay and? Thanks I guess?" Ej frowned, shrugging. "See you around Bowen."   
"I'm trying to talk to you, Ej. It's been three years, if not more, since all of this happened. I'm sorry for what happened. I had fault in it," Ricky responded quickly, leaning as much as he could over the table. 

Ej stepped back, his arms still crossed, his body language straying far from the conversation. Ricky sighed heavily; he said what he wanted to say. He was at peace; the most he could be. He began to gather up both of the sandwiches with napkins, preparing to leave. Ej watched him, choosing to stay quiet until the very last moment. 

"You know, I waited for you. I waited and I searched for you every day of my sophomore year, because I didn't believe it was done between us and you were done with me. I understand we stopped being friends because of me, but did you have to really leave me?" Ej blurted. Ricky's eyes looked up, surprised at what had just come out of the other boy's mouth. The senior looked away, clearly hurt.

"I never left you-" Ricky began to say.   
"Yeah you did. And yeah I know I'm being a fucking hypocrite, because I left you first but you weren't supposed to let me go so fucking easily. I was just stupid; I made stupid decisions when I was a freshman." Ej's voice turned shaky, breaking on the last part. 

"How was I supposed to know this? You told me that you weren't feeling our friendship! You said that I didn't understand you." Ricky shot back.   
"Yeah and you believed me?!" Ej snapped. He paused, uncrossing his arms. He ran a hand through his hair, and Ricky really saw his eyes- how grown Ej was. 

"But it gives me no excuse for treating you bad. I'm sorry for not being able to keep our friendship. It wasn't fair to you, to have to deal with someone who couldn't get his shit together," Ej sat down on the table bench, arms out in front of him. His hands fidgeted with each other. He sighs again, this time, Ricky can see that he is tired. His eyes are drooping, with sadness or stress he doesn't know.   
"I didn't think you were going to stop talking to me; a part of me thought that you were going to talk to me when you got over that fight." He said softly.   
"It was a big fight Ej, it was a build-up of what was happening that whole year." Ricky said, exasperated. 

"Yeah it was a fight. Our first real fight. But the thing that gets me is that we could have still talked. I could have said hi to you in the hallways, or have small talk, but you never spoke to me. It was like I was dead to you. Until this musical that is, and it wasn't even for me; you talked to me to tell me to stay away from Nini." Ej looked at Ricky, meeting his gaze. "I could have lived with us talking like strangers, if it meant talking to you. And now, after all this time, you tell me you regret everything you said? Why now? Why couldn't you have done it earlier?" 

Ricky was at a loss for words. What Ej said struck a chord with him. When the fight happened, he told himself he would never speak to the older boy. He had destroyed any evidence that they used to be friends; photos from his phone, thrown out hoodies he had borrowed from the other boy's closet, thrown out birthday cards. When he started high school, he made it a point to not even look in Ej's direction. For the first year of high school, Ricky made the purpose to never walk by or go near the school's pool; if he did he would purposely take the long route to wherever he was going. 

After half of sophomore year, he kinda forgot about Ej and their friendship; mainly because he was over it. But when he found out about Nini dating Ej, his main goal was to get her to realize that she still had feelings for him. He never once thought about telling Ej about how he regretted what he had said. 

"Ej, I was the one that was relying on you too much. I had to grow up and learn some boundaries. To do that, I thought that I needed to completely distance myself from you." Ricky sat down as well, his hands on the table top. Both boys slipped into silence again, but this time it was different. It was the type where they both could feel the tension. 

"I'm sorry for telling you horrible things that day. And I'm sorry for fucking up the friendship." Ej said softly, surprising Ricky once more. Ricky was now feeling a deep sense of sadness in his stomach, his chest, everywhere. He couldn't quite describe it; a sad nostalgia took over. 

He didn't respond this time, waiting to see if the senior would say anything else. And he did. 

Ej finally brought up the incident. What Ricky wanted to talk about since the day he came back from camp. 

"I didn't want to talk about the kiss because I was scared that we would become more than friends." He confessed. He was now staring down at his own shirt. Ricky felt his heart skip a beat. His throat suddenly became dry.   
Sometimes, he wondered if that kiss was even real, because it was never spoken about. Sometimes, he thought that he had imagined the kiss, or that the kiss meant nothing at all, just a kiss between two friends. But still, it hurt him to pretend that the kiss never happened.   
But of course, Ej didn't want to be more than friends. Ricky didn't flinch; he wasn't stupid. He knew that Ej could never like someone like him, even back in their younger days. This was definitely a one sided attraction. 

"Because you didn't like me." Ricky said, nodding. He made sure he sounded casual and nonchalant. He wanted to make this easier for Ej; he didn't want him to actually say it out loud. It was humiliating enough as it was. 

Ej started shaking his head.   
"No, I did like you. But I was so scared that I was going to mess you up. I wasn't exactly the best version of myself I could be when I came back from camp. You don't deserve to be with someone like me, especially the me of three years ago. I wasn't good enough for you." Ej's brain started flooding with memories of his freshman year-   
The time he lost his virginity to a girl to prove to himself that he was over Ricky.  
The times he constantly ignored Ricky's texts because he was too busy being high or screwing around with another girl to prove to himself his sexuality.  
The times he acted so oblivious to what Ricky wanted to say to him. . . 

"You deserve someone who is perfect for you, someone who wasn't a mess." Ej continued to think about the stupid decisions he made in freshman year; he had almost lost himself in trying to please everyone; his water polo friends, his parents, any girl that batted their eyelashes at him. He cared about his image too much, so instead of ever showing his emotions, he always put a front that everything was fine. But it wasn't. After that year, he had made big changes and decisions, yeah he worried about his image still, but he's true to himself. Things are more clear now than three years ago. He had so many missed opportunities; but he wanted to start a new. 

Ricky's words startled his thoughts.   
"What the fuck are you saying? You were good enough. You are. Just because you were doing new shit doesn't mean that I stopped liking you. What hurt me was that you stopped talking to me. I thought I did something wrong, or you thought that I was a little kid," Ricky paused, taking a breath.  
"I thought that you got bored of me. But I never stopped having love for you. All those things I said to you, I was just angry and immature, I knew that you were acting stupid and it wasn't _you_. We were friends at some point in time, good enough that I knew you inside and out. I was trying to still talk to you, because I knew that you were good enough . "  
"And then you stopped talking to me." Ej interjected, hands clenching into fists. He felt odd, it had been a while since he felt so vulnerable.   
"That doesn't mean that I thought you weren't good enough. I took that day that we fought as a sign that we needed space; you needed to figure out who you were and I had to back off. We weren't a good match for our friendship anymore and it was best to separate when we had the chance. But never once in our friendship, did I think that you weren't good enough. And also, me not talking to you was just me being petty, c'mon I get so fucking petty," Ricky pleaded, causing Ej to look up. 

"You are petty. And people in the club think I'm petty." Ej scoffed.   
"I am petty. But only when I've been hurt by someone I care about." Ricky raised his brows. 

This time, the older boy had been staring at Ricky throughout his whole monologue, and in that moment, Ricky saw him. Like really saw him; the older Ej. Not his own twisted version of Ej that he made up as soon as he saw that he was with Nini; the version of who he really was. The mature, older, loyal Ej. 

"I wish things ended differently." He said in a low voice. Ricky said nothing, and his gaze now turned upwards at the sky. He finally noticed that the sky was darkening, the clouds were billowing over like a blanket of darkness. He couldn't help but remember that Halloween night, where Ej started to pour his heart out open to Ricky. It was never a problem for Ej to talk about his feelings; back then he always told Ricky what he was feeling. And then, when he went to high school, it all changed. Ricky couldn't deny that it still stung to think about it. 

"Maybe if we talked about our feelings earlier, we could have still been friends?" Ricky suggested, his voice full of sadness. 

"Maybe." Ej paused to imagine a world where they actually talked about their feelings; beginning with Ej's doubt of their friendship when Oliver pointed it out to him. Maybe, Ricky could have helped him and just maybe, they could have still stayed as friends. They could have gone to more parties with Ej's friends and then leave early because they were tired. They could have gone to skate parks, they could have continued sleeping at each other's houses. Ej would have been by Ricky's side when his parents were falling apart. Ricky would have slept over so many times; he would have been at Ej's side for when he got his drivers license. Ej would have eventually made Ricky audition with him to a play, and they both could have been actors in the theater department. They probably would have spent birthdays together again. And maybe, over time, they could have become something _more_. Ej imagined both of them holding hands in the hallways of East High. 

"Do you miss me?" Ricky asked suddenly, disrupting Ej's imaginations. Ricky was pretty sure his heart had stopped beating for the millionth time that day.   
Ej hesitated, but he said, "Yeah I do. A lot. I never stopped missing you." Ricky's breath caught in his throat. 

"But we're different now, you don't know me, and I don't know you." His words nonetheless stung Ricky. It was true; at one point in time they had known each other inside and out, only for them to turn out as complete strangers in the end.   
Ej was different now, and so was Ricky. They probably didn't have anything in common at all. Getting to know each other could end up with both of them getting hurt at how different they were. The friendship could be taken nowhere; maybe they were only just childhood friends. 

And yet, Ricky was willing to take that chance. 

"Then we get to know each other again." Ricky replied nonchalantly. Ej scoffed, zipping up his jacket all the way up.   
"I'm serious." Ricky paused, and he added, "Hi. I'm Ricky, and I like musicals now." He took his hand out, reaching over the table, waiting for Ej to catch on. He stared at Ricky's outstretched hand for a few seconds, that felt like an eternity to Ricky. 

The senior broke into a small smile, gently grabbing onto Ricky's hand.   
"I'm Elijah James, but I go by Ej. I've always liked musicals." Their handshake lingered. It had been too long since they touched each other. They settled back down on their seats. 

People began to pass by, and the majority of them coming from a sports practice. 

"You came from water polo right?" Ricky asked. Ej nodded. The senior watched as Ricky unwrapped one of the sandwiches, and with a napkin in hand, he opened the sandwich to take out tomatoes and onions. He wrapped the sandwich, throwing the napkin to the side. He held it out to Ej, who took it gently. 

"Thanks." Ej said, opening the sandwich. He bit into it, and soon, started scarfing it down. Ricky began to bite into his. After a bit, he couldn't help smile at Ej. A big, wide smile. It was as if his heart was opening up again. In a way that he couldn't explain it, but it was this type of happy that he only felt with Ej; back when they were friends.   
After swallowing his bite, Ej let out a shaky laugh. 

Both boys continued to eat their sandwiches in silence, but now it wasn't the painful awkward silence they used to have in rehearsals- it was a comfortable silence. 

Like they didn't need to say anything else. 

It was like a breath of fresh air. And truly, he thought it was worth it.   
Ej's hair was beginning to dry in his natural wavy state, and it brought Ricky the memories of little Ej. For a second, he could see little Ej sitting in front of him, eating the sandwich. He blinked and the older Ej returned. 

He realized he would go through all of it again, if it meant finally talking to Ej in the end. He would go through all the heartbreak, the anxiety, the loneliness to reach _him_. Now, sitting across from the senior, every feeling of resentment, of bitterness, of insecurities and sadness disappeared. All the feelings of blocking Ej out were gone; all of his feelings of missing and want flooded through him. It was nothing but warmth filling his heart and body. 

That night, he never felt so at peace with himself. And a giddy type of happy.   
  


He made the mental note to call Big Red when he got home later. 

* * *

That night, when Ej goes home, his heart is still pounding hard. He goes through his night time routine like normal; taking a warm shower, applying on a face mask and applying coconut oil in his hair etc. When he settles down to do his homework, he manages to focus and complete half of his physics problems. Except, he can't help the smile that's sliding onto his face. He wants to tell his mom what happened, but he's by himself in the house so he doesn't exactly have anyone to talk to this about.

He glances at the clock and reads that it's one hour past midnight.   
He glances at his phone, sighing. He still can't believe what just happened. 

He opens his phone to distract himself. He went through Instagram, liking everyone's picture that ended up on his feed.  
He ended up going to his own profile, then decided to put his phone down. He wandered to the closet of the house, which was beside the bathroom. Inside, on the top shelf, his mother kept mementos of him and all of his childhood accomplishments. He searched through the plastic box, and there it was. Pictures of Ej throughout his life. He began to search one particular album, and he finally found it. It was labeled _Ej's Journey In Middle School!_

He opened the worn out album, flipping through the pages to find _him_.

He stopped abruptly, finally finding the one page that made him smile. It was two photos on the page, one of them was Ej and Ricky dressed up as Spiderman and Captain America. Another was Ricky and Ej at a burger joint; Ej's mom probably took them after work. On the side of the page, was a strip of photos with three panels. He carefully took it out, trying not to bend the photo by the side. It was pictures of him and Ricky in a photo booth. It was one of the summers where Ej hadn't been thinking too much of what they were. In the strip of photos, one of them was little Ricky sticking his tongue out, with little Ej leaning over and stretching so his two fingers behind Ricky's head came out.

Ej started to tear up, chuckling lightly when he saw the second panel of the strip. Ej was making a face, and Ricky struck his serious face. In the last one, Ej remembered vividly that they were thinking of other poses to make, Ej had been scrambling to come up with a cool pose, but the camera was already at the one countdown, so Ricky had grabbed Ej's shoulders, put his arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

Ej's eyes were glassy with tears, as he saw his own younger face in the picture. He had the biggest smile on his face.

He stared at them, a feeling of relief seeping into his heart. After the whole fight with Ricky, his heart broke in a way that never filled or healed. Sure he got "over" it; after sophomore year he stopped thinking about Ricky and junior year he only had fleeting moments of heartache after seeing Ricky in the hallways; but after a while he was okay. 

Now that they had talked it over, he felt like that piece of his heart was slowly mending. He didn't think it affected him that much. But right now, staring at the photo strip, he felt actually happy; a type of happy he didn't feel with anyone else, not even Nini. Like everything was going to be okay, and everything will be all right.   
He started to look through the photo albums, giggling and groaning in embarrassments at some of them.   


* * *

  
Ricky was playing his guitar in his room. He didn't realize he was strumming to the tune of   
_What I've Been Looking For._  
He stopped to think for a moment. Ricky got up and walked to his desk. He opened the bottom drawer of his desk. So many papers and notebooks were stuffed in it. He started to take them out and finally found what he was looking for-  
A brown worn out composition book.  
He opened it and flipped through the worn out pages filled with unfinished songs and lyrics.   
He realized one page was thick, the first one. He opened it fully to see that he had pasted Ej's note onto the first page. He flipped the pages more to see that there were countless songs written for Ej. He saw words like _blue eyes_ , and _starboy._ He saw on one of the pages, there was a surprisingly well kept pink post it note, in Ej's handwriting it read _Ricky and Ej Forever!!_ with an angry smiley face. 

He had forgotten about that part.   
Ricky grinned, walking back to his bed where his guitar lay.  
He started playing his song that he had asked Ej to sing, that day when Ej was spinning in his chair. He began to slowly strum, remembering every note.   
He wondered how it would sound now under Ej's matured voice.   
He would know soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with me 'till the end! Thanks for reading and leaving reviews/kudos/bookmarks, I appreciate it! :) Hope everyone is staying safe!

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i know ricky went back for knee pads, so lame -sue me i didn't know what else he could forget so knee pads it is!   
> hope u liked the first chapter and updates will be coming this month :)


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